My Dear Sir,--I fully understand your views--in fact I am in cordial agreement with them. It would be quite fair to say of most young unmarried men that they could and should be spared. But this cannot be said of all young men. There is a small section of literary and other artists whose lives must continue to be immeasurably precious to the nation which has given them birth. From this company it is impossible for me to exclude myself. There is a higher patriotism, to the dictates of which I must respond. With infinite regrets, and thanks for what is doubtless a well-meant endeavour, I am, dear Sir, yours sincerely, ENDYMION BROWNE. P.S.--If you should be in town on the 24th, I am giving a reading from my own works at the United Intensities Club--"A Night with Endymion Browne." Dear Sir,--What you say is O.K. KITCHENER must have men and all that sort of thing. Show the KAISER who's boss, and so on. But there are some men who _can't_ possibly go. And I'm one. It's all very well to say "Go," but _if_ I go--let me ask you quite seriously--how on earth is Smoketown Tuesday F.C. to lift the English pot? I don't want to shout about myself, but it is a known fact that I'm positively the _only_ centre forward they've got. I'm worth L200 a week to the gate alone. If you don't care to accept my word, that it is absolutely _impossible_ for me to go, I'll refer you to what our secretary says at foot. Yours, ALF BOOTER. _Note by Secretary_--What Booter says is quite true. He is indispensable. We paid L1,000 for his transfer, and could not possibly sanction his leaving us. Besides, some of his many thousand admirers might want to follow his example, and where would our gate be then? Dear Sir,--If I was to go and enlist, how could I follow the Occident and help 'em to win the League Championship? There it is, quite short--how? And if I didn't follow, and if others like me didn't follow, how'd the club stick it? How'd it keep going? What price duty of staying at home? I am, yours truly, BERT SOCKSLEY. [Dictated.] Sir,--I snatch a moment to answer your letter, "Why don't I go to fight the Germans?" I _am_ fighting them. I cleared L500 this morning which, before the war, would have gone into a German pocket. My motto is "Business as usual," and I have no complaints whatever against the Germans so long as I can go on fighting them some more in my own way. Yours faithfully, GEORGE CRABBE. My Dear Sir,--Your letter for my brother, John Halton, has reached me by mistake, but I'll answer it. "Why don't I go?" Just send me a recipe for turning me into a boy, and you'll not have to ask me twice. Yours very sincerely, JOAN HALTON.