Dear Sir,--I know what my job is, so don't you come poking your nose in where it isn't wanted. I'm for England, I am. And I'm doing my bit. _The Evening Wiper_ said only the other day that a Britisher's duty was to keep cheerful, and that the man who did that was serving his country. Well, I _am_ cheerful--I didn't turn a hair even over Mons--slept exactly the same, and had bacon and tomato for my breakfast. Then they say, "Carry on." And I do carry on. I go out as usual, dress just as carefully--spats, fancy waistcoat, buttonhole, etc. One night it's the Imperial and another it's the Cinema. Men are wanted to cheer the patriotic songs and to sing the chorus of "Tipperary." I help here. Then I spend my money freely--_freely_, I tell you. Any Tommy I meet can have a drink--half a dozen at my expense, and no return expected. I got two quite blind last night, and never asked 'em for a sou. Then again, I've spent quite a lot on flags. I always wear six on the front of my bike when I scorch through the crowds coming out of church on Sundays. I've got portrait buttons, too, of JOFFRE and KITCH., and I'm never ashamed to wear 'em. _And I'm always urging chaps to go and enlist._ So you see I am doing my bit. Yours truly, ALBERT SPOTTLE. * * * * * In a Good Cause. A _Matinee_ will be given at the Empire on Thursday, the 26th, in aid of _The Daily Telegraph's_ Belgian Relief Fund. Among the patrons are The JAPANESE AMBASSADOR, the BELGIAN MINISTER and the Grand Duke MICHAEL. Many popular _artistes_ have offered their services, including Miss PHYLLIS BEDELLS, Miss GLADYS COOPER, Miss ETHEL LEVEY, Miss IRENE VANBRUGH, Miss WISH WYNNE, Mr. WILKIE BARD, Mr. WILL EVANS, Mr. ALFRED LESTER, Mr. JAMES TATE, Mr. LEWIS WALLER and Mr. JAMES WELCH. _Mr. Punch_ very heartily commends the cause and its advocates to his gentle readers. * * * * * Illustration: GOOD HUNTING. A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK. * * * * * Illustration: "MOTHER, LOOK AT THAT POOR SOLDIER: WOUNDED IN BOTH FEET." * * * * * WITH ALL RESERVE. Departing from the time-honoured custom of believing everything they see in print, the British people are learning in these times that one should only run the risk of believing printed news that has passed the Censor. By the time the war is over the new habit will have become established, and we may look for items like the following in our daily papers:-- The right hon. gentleman went on to say that so long as the people of this country permitted the present Government to remain in power, so long would this country be governed in a manner which could never win the approval of the Opposition. [The above having been passed by the Censor may be accepted as correct.--ED.]