Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, October 14, 1914Various
History
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, October 14, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"Yes, you are free," said the secretary, "and I am empowered to add that
under the circumstances no charge will be made for your breakfast.
_Hochachtungsvoll._"
He withdrew, and Bertram, picking up his umbrella and gloves, quickly
followed him.
V.
Half an hour later Bertram had again entered the German lines, imploring
to be shot for pity's sake. But it was too late; all the rifles were in
use in the firing-line. It was not till he heard this that Bertram
Borstal, racked with indigestion, realised the atrocious barbarity of
his reprieve.
* * * * *
SWISS LEAVE.
"It'll be over by Christmas all right," said James again, but without
conviction.
"Maybe," I said; "Christmas, 1918, you mean, I suppose?"
James called me a rude name, as soldiers will, and relapsed into moody
silence.
I knew what the trouble was. He had booked a room at Spitzeheider for
three weeks in January. They were to be the same party as last year, he
had said at first; but on cross-examination it appeared that this
referred solely to a lady who was described with exaggerated unconcern
as being "rather a good sort."
And now here were James and I in one of KITCHENER'S camps at ----,
having taken an oath to defend the KING at all costs against his
enemies.
True, James had been given an old form to read from, and had sworn
allegiance to KING EDWARD VII. without the officer noticing it; but
though at first he tried to clutch at this straw it was only a straw.
"I find now that KING EDWARD VII. died some years ago," he had said, "so
my oath is not binding, and, if the War is not over by Christmas I shall
point that out and retire."
However it was found that "His Heir" was mentioned, so that went by the
board.
"Cheer up, James," I said, "Spitzeheider will be there all right in
1920, even if 'the same party' are all married to other people."
James did not think my remark in the best possible taste, and said as
much.
Then he looked up from the map he had been studying with a glad cry. "Do
you know, I think it will be all right after all," he said; "I've been
working it out, and I think it more than possible that we shall by
January be guarding lines of communication somewhere not so very far
from the Swiss frontier. I can get three weeks' leave, join the party at
Spitzeheider, and at the end rejoin our gallant troops in the field."
"The Swiss won't much care for your marching into their country armed to
the teeth," I said. "You know, James, you cut a very commanding figure
in regimentals. I won't say that a somewhat conservative tailor has
altogether realised that we are inferior physically but superior
intellectually to prehistoric man--I mean the tunic is much too big and
the hat much too small. But you look every inch a recruit, and with any
luck by January you'll look like the best kind of War Lord. No, James,
the Swiss won't pass you through the Customs."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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