Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, October 14, 1914Various
History
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, October 14, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"It's takin' your 'and off of the plough, ain't it now?"
"Seems so to me--God, 'e knows."
"Pleeceman 'e says to me, 'You go to swell the number as is fightin' for
our England, an' honours'll be showered on you as thick as wapses round
a plum-tree in August,' 'e says; 'crosses an' stars an' 'alf the
alphabet after your name.'"
"Pleeceman 'e can go it--'istory books ain't in it with 'is
'magination."
"Gen'rous, too, with what ain't 'is own, same as any man."
"Pleeceman 'e says, 'Go forth and fight for this our country an' we'll
give you a welcome back as 'll make you stand among us a couple o'
inches taller on that great day....'"
"Pleeceman 'e do talk wild when e's excited."
"Pleeceman 'e says, 'You shirk this plain duty a-starin' you in the
face, an' white feathers'll be sproutin' all over of you for a coward as
refuses to do 'is little share when nations are goin' at it 'ammer and
tongs.'"
"Pleeceman is a sight too bad when 'e be fairly moved. What did you say
to that 'ere?"
"I says to Pleeceman--'You does your duty, anyway as far as it goes. But
you does it too late in this 'ere case."
"'Ow was 'e late?"
"'Cos I'd 'listed day before."
* * * * *
IN OUR VILLAGE.
_To Mrs. Robinson, The Wigwam, Threads, Nr. Bradford._
_From Mrs. Cushat, The Vicarage, Yellowcubs, Leicestershire._
_Oct. 8, 1914._
DEAREST SISSIE,--I have been far too busy to write before. In this
"Clash of Nations," as James finely said in his last sermon, I am
distracted to find suitable holiday amusements for the children.
Fraeulein should have returned from her holiday in Berlin six weeks ago
and was prevented with all her boxes ready packed to come; but perhaps
it's as well, as James speaks of the Germans in the strongest
terms--quite rightly so, of course; but one would be sorry for the poor
girl to feel ashamed of her relations.
Our only alien is poor old Miss Schmidt, who has taught music for thirty
years. We all try to be lenient and nice to her at my work-parties,
which are widely attended. James calls them a mixture of Dorcas and
Bellona--ask Harry to explain. The boys are helping to make saddle-pads
for the horses at the front. They try each pad on our old Dobbin and are
wild for him to go on service at once; but James has just decided that a
Vicar's pony's place is in the last line of the Reserves.
You asked me how long the war would continue. We have had quite a lot of
talk with the Admiral and dear old General Ramrod about it; but James
says, with the utmost respect for their characters, that these naval and
military men are so hide-bound. In his opinion hostilities will be over
in two months from now. He says:
When the British Lion roars
Foreign legions go indoors!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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