Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, September 23, 1914Various
History
Punch or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, September 23, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"Yes, gents, they was 'is larst words to me, one of 'is fivourite
pupils, if I may say so; 'is Pawthian shots. An' if that there estimable
ol' man could look down on me now, as I stand 'ere fice to fice in front
of you, 'e would candidly admit that I 'ave always bore in mind 'is
fawtherly adjuritions.
"I'll tell you what it is, gents. If you was to walk quietly into
Buckin'am Pellis at this moment, an' 'ave a friendly word with 'Is
Mejisty, do you kid yourselves 'e would igspress any what I may call
cuzzen like feelin' for this--this perisite? Do you fan your ducks, in
vulgar pawlence, that if the KING'S 'ands was free 'e would not 'asten
to be the first to pluck the bauble from 'is cuzzen's fat 'ead?
"If there are any Germans present, is there one among them who will 'ave
the 'ardi'ood to step forward now and say a word, one little word,
gentlemen, one single bloomin' ''_Och!_' on be'alf of 'im? _Naow_,
gents, _naow_! Ten thousing times _naow_!
"'Eaven forbid that I should talk above your 'eads, my friends, but I
say, an' I maintain, that this insolent upstawt, this pestilenshul
braggadosho, this blood-suckin', fire-eatin', spark-spittin',
sausage-guzzlin', beer-swillin' ranter, this imitashun eagle, with a
cawdboard beak an' a tin 'elmet, this 'ypercritical 'umbug, 'as
forfeited the larst shred of the respec' of any but the mos'
sooperfishul stoodent of international affairs, or _welt-politik_, as
the French would put it.
"I know what I'm talkin' abaout, gents. I can call for my seven-course
dinner, my little 'alf-bottle, my Larranaga or Corona, my corfy, my
lickewer _an'_ my tooth-pick, in the language of every capital in
Europe.
"Well, gents, where did I get my information, my insight, my instinc',
on these things? 'Ow came it to be that I can walk into the private
offices of the biggest bankers in Europe, knowin' full well what they
would understand if I so much as suggested a pinch of snuff, or said it
looked like rain, or asked if they 'ad seen the Shaw of Persha litely?
"You don't suppose I got my intimercy with questions what 'ave brought a
Continent, ay, an' 'alf a world, to grips, by 'angin' round Embassies
an' Consulates, and Chawncelleries, do you?
"There is always somethink _subrowsa_, somethink be'ind the scenes,
somethink suttle, some unsuspected inflooence, what the outer world
'ardly ever 'ears of.'
"An' what is it, in 'undreds of cises? Gents all, I will tell you, in
the words of the gallant defenders of Leege--_Shurshy-lar-fam_! That
little phrise, gents, in cise you may 'ave forgot your French or
Belgian, as the cise may be, means 'Look for the woman,' gents.
"I may not look it now, my frien's, an' you may larf with scorn to 'ear
an ol' feller speak the words, but there _was_ a time, shortly arfter I
come-up from the Varsity, an' just before I took my commishun in the
dear ol' Tin-Bellies, when there was no man more popular than me in the
_salongs_ of Europe.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account