Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, September 2nd, 1914 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, September 2nd, 1914Various
History
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, September 2nd, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
It was about a year later that I first got mixed up with the thing. I
must have dined with the Andrews several times without noticing the
cigar-case, but on this occasion it caught my eye as we wandered out to
join the ladies, and I picked it up carelessly. Well, not exactly
carelessly; it was too heavy for that.
"Why didn't you tell me," I said, "that you had stood for Parliament and
that your supporters had consoled you with a large piece of plate?
Hallo, they've put the wrong initials on it. How unbusiness-like."
"Oh, _that_?" said Andrew. "Is it still there?"
"Why not? It's quite a solid little table. But you haven't explained why
your constituents, who must have seen your name on hundreds of posters,
thought your initials were E. M. W."
Andrew explained.
"Then it isn't yours at all?" I said in amazement.
"Of course not."
"But, my dear man, this is theft. Stealing by finding, they call it. You
could get"--I looked at him almost with admiration--"you could get two
years for this;" and I weighed the cigar-case in my hand. "I believe
you're the only one of my friends who could be certain of two years," I
went on musingly. "Let's see, there's----"
"Nonsense," said Andrew uneasily. "But still, perhaps I'd better take it
back to Scotland Yard to-morrow."
"And tell them you've kept it for a year? They'd run you in at once. No,
what you want to do is to get rid of it without their knowledge. But
how--that's the question. You can't give it away because of the
initials."
"It's easy enough. I can leave it in another cab, or drop it in the
river."
"Andrew, Andrew," I cried, "you're determined to go to prison! Don't you
know from all the humorous articles you've ever read that, if you _try_
to lose anything, then you never can? It's one of the stock remarks one
makes to women in the endeavour to keep them amused. No, you must think
of some more subtle way of disposing of it."
"I'll pretend it's yours," said Andrew more subtly, and he placed it in
my pocket.
"No, you don't," I said. "But I tell you what I will do. I'll take it
for a week and see if I can get rid of it. If I can't, I shall give it
you back and wash my hands of the whole business--except, of course, for
the monthly letter or whatever it is they allow you at the Scrubbs. You
may still count on me for that."
And then the extraordinary thing happened. The next morning I received a
letter from a stranger, asking for some simple information which I could
have given him on a post-card. And so I should have done--or possibly, I
am afraid, have forgotten to answer at all--but for the way that the
letter ended up.
"_Yours very truly_,
_ERNEST M. WOOLMAN._"
The magic initials! It was a chance not to be missed. I wrote
enthusiastically back and asked him to lunch.
He came. I gave him all the information he wanted, and lots more.
Whether he was a pleasant sort of person or not I hardly noticed; I was
so very pleasant myself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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