He returned my enthusiasm. He asked me to dine with him the following week. A little party at the Savoy--his birthday, you know. I accepted gladly. I rolled up at the party with my little present ... a massive silver cigar-case ... suitably engraved. *** So there you are. He clings to me. He seems to have formed the absurd idea that I am fond of him. A few months after that evening at the Savoy he was married. I was invited to the wedding--confound him. Of course I had to live up to my birthday present; the least I could do was an enormous silver cigar-box (not engraved), which bound me to him still more strongly. By that time I realised that I hated him. He was pushing, familiar, everything that I disliked. All my friends wondered how I had become so intimate with him ... Well, now they know. And the original E. M. W., if he has the sense to read this article, knows. If he cares to prosecute Ernest Merrowby Woolman for being in possession of stolen goods I shall be glad to give him any information. Woolman is generally to be found leaving my rooms at about 6.30 in the evening, and a smart detective could easily nab him as he steps out. A. A. M. * * * * * FORTUNE'S FAVOURITE. Dear maiden of the sunny head And cheeks of coral hue, The lips of rarest ruby red, The eyes of Oxford blue, And other charms I've left unsaid ... Ah, how I envy you! Heedless of half a world at war You neither strive nor cry; Though danger knocks at England's door There's laughter in your sky: You ask not what she's fighting for, Nor reck the reason why. You little guess, you never will, The force that nerves this fist To toil away for you until My mind is like a mist; The lack of money for the mill, The growing dearth of grist. Ah, since amid a world grown wild, And horrors still half told, Peace has her palace round you piled, By all the gods I hold You are a very lucky child, My little Nine-months-old. * * * * * Illustration: _Officer Commanding Squad (about to cross Waterloo Bridge.)_ "'ALT! BREAK STEP! LARGE COLUMNS OF TROOPS WHEN CROSSIN' BRIDGES IS COMMANDED TO 'BREAK STEP' SO THAT THE UNISON OF THEIR TREAD MAY NOT DANGEROUSLY THREATEN THE STERBILITY OF THE BRIDGE." * * * * * A CANDIDATE FOR THE FORCE. "I want to enrol myself as a Special Constable," I said to the man in mufti behind the desk. "Well, don't let me stop you," he remarked. "The Police Station is next door. This is a steam laundry." A minute later I began again:-- "I want to enrol myself as a Steam Laund--that is to say, as a Special Constable." "Certainly, Sir," said the Inspector in charge. "Your name and address?" I opened my cigarette-case and placed a card on the desk.