"Why?" she asked. "I've always had rather a partiality for them. They're very classy in England, too, as you would know if you were as English as I am." "I am English!" said Mr. Blumenbach fiercely. "Yes, dear, but not quite so---- Still, let us pass that over. The point is----" "No hyphens, anyway," said Mr. Blumenbach. "They're dangerous. They carry too much family history. No, a straightforward plain name is best. Like, say, 'Macdonald.'" "Scotch?" "Yes, why not?" "I hadn't been thinking that way," said Mrs. Blumenbach, "but I agree--why not 'Sir Julius Macdonald'? Yes, that's all right." "Or 'Mackenzie'?" said Mr. Blumenbach, consulting his list. "I prefer 'Macdonald.'" "Or 'Macintosh'?" "No, no." "Or 'Abercrombie'?" "Too long." "'Lauder'?" "No, I think not." "He's very popular." "I know; but the music-hall? No," said Mrs. Blumenbach, taking up a pen, "let it be 'Macdonald.'" She traced the name. "Good heavens!" she exclaimed suddenly, dropping the pen and pushing away the paper with a gesture of finality, "of course it can't be that." "Why ever not?" Mr. Blumenbach insisted. "Fancy you not knowing!" Mrs. Blumenbach replied. "You of all people! Why, think of the linen and the silver--all the monograms. Everything would have to be marked afresh. It must begin with B, of course." "Of course," said Mr. Blumenbach, mopping his brow as the terrible truth broke on him, "of course! What an idiot I have been! Of course it must begin with B. The expense!" "But fancy you not thinking of that!" Mrs. Blumenbach insisted. "Yes, fancy. It's worry over the war. I'm not myself." "Poor dear! You can't be," said his wife. "Well, what shall we do now?" "It's all right," said Mr. Blumenbach. "I'll go to the British Museum to look out the B's in the Edinburgh Directory." "Do, dear, do!" said his wife, and he hurried for his hat. "Just to think of you not thinking of that!" she repeated, as he bade her farewell. "Yes, indeed!" he replied. "But it's the war, I'm sure. I'm sure it's the war." Later in the day he returned, a potential Sir Julius Bannockburn. * * * * * Illustration: _Enthusiast_ (_explaining the situation_). "LET THIS 'ERE MEAT-AXE BE THE RUSSIANS A-COMIN' IN ON THE EAST; THE CARVIN'-KNIFE'S THE FRENCHIES ALONG 'ERE; OUR BOYS IS THE MUSTARD-POT; AND 'ERE'S THE GERMANS--THIS 'ERE PLATE O' TRIPE." * * * * * SHAKSPEARE GERMANISED. One touch of NIETZSCHE makes the whole world sin. * * * * * SOUND AND FURY. A double Dutch Agency circulates a report of a great patriotic concert recently held in Berlin. The programme, which is printed on a mere scrap of paper, was as follows:-- A GRAND PRUSSIAN PATRIOTIC CONCERT IN AID OF THE GERMAN GOVERNMENT WAR FUND Will be held in the DISMANTLED BRITISH EMBASSY. * * * PROGRAMME. I. SELECTION: "Hail, Smiling Marne." _Band of the Imperial Prussian Guard._ II.