SONG: "Father, dear Father, come Home with me now." _Words and music by the GERMAN CROWN PRINCE._ III. BANJO RECITAL: "The Sally of our Ally." _Words and music by the Emperor FRANCIS JOSEPH._ IV. CHORUS: "Forty Years On." _Setting arranged by Count VON MOLTKE the Second._ V. SONG: "Oft in the Stilly Night." _Words and music by COUNT ZEPPELIN, composer of "What does little Birdie say?"_ VI. RECITAL: "The Blue Carpathian Mountains." _The Viennese Orchestra._ VII. HUMOROUS SONG: "The Bonny Bonny Banks." _Arranged by the Imperial Minister of Finance._ VIII. SONG: "And Nobody cares for Me!" _Respectfully dedicated to the GERMAN EMPEROR._ IX. GRAND PATRIOTIC CHORUS (in which the audience is requested to join): "PRUSSIA EXPECTS THAT EVERY MAN THIS DAY WILL GRAB HIS BOOTY." * * * * * Illustration: "GREAT SCOTT! I MUST DO SOMETHING. DASHED IF I DON'T GET SOME MORE FLAGS FOR THE OLD JIGGER!" * * * * * THE STEEPLE. There's mist in the hollows, There's gold on the tree, And South go the swallows Away over sea. They home in our steeple That climbs in the wind, And, parson and people, We welcome 'em kind. The steeple was set here In 1266; If WILLIAM could get here He'd burn it to sticks. He'd burn it for ever, Bells, belfry and vane, That swallows would never Come home there again. He'd bang down their perches With cannon and gun, For churches is churches, And WILLIAM'S a Hun. So--mist in the hollow And leaf falling brown-- Ere home comes the swallow May WILLIAM be down! And high stand the steeples From Lincoln to Wells, For parsons and peoples, For birds and for bells! * * * * * "It makes things clearer, for example, if one knows that a howitzer gun drops its shells, while an ordinary field gun fires them to all intents and purposes vertically." _Weekly Dispatch._ Much clearer. * * * * * Illustration: _Youthful Patriot._ "Oh, mummy, you _must_ speak to baby: he's most awfully naughty. He won't let nurse take his vest off, and (_in an awe-struck voice_) he keeps on screaming and yelling that _he likes the Germans_! _Anybody_ might hear him." * * * * * A WAR-HORSE OF THE KING. I knew you in the first flight of the Quorn, One who never turned his gallant head aside From bank or ditch, from double rail or thorn, Or from any brook however deep and wide; I know the love your owner on you spent; I know the price he put upon your speed; And I know he gave you freely, well content, When his country called upon him in her need.