"You see what will happen, darling," he said. "Mr. Mackinnon will read them, and he will say to himself, 'There's a man called Jeremy P. Smith who is a fool.' The news will travel down the line. They will tell themselves in Alsace that J. P. Smith, the Treasurer of the Little Blessington Cricket Club, is lacking in grey matter. The story will get across to the Germans in some garbled form; 'Smith off crumpet,' or something of that sort. It will reach the Grand Duke NICHOLAS; it will traverse the neutral countries; everywhere the word will be spread that your husband is, as they say, barmy. I ask you, dear--is it fair to Baby?" Mrs. Jeremy crumpled up the sheets and threw them in the fire. "Oh, Jeremy," she said, "you could do it so easily if you wanted to. If you only said, 'Thank you for being so brave,' it would be something." "But you said it had to be a 'jolly' one." "Yes, that was silly of me. I didn't mean that. Just write what you want to write--never mind about what I said." "Oh, but that's easy," said Jeremy with great relief; "I can do that on my head." And this was the letter (whether he wrote it on his head or not I cannot say):-- "MY DEAR MR. MACKINNON,--You are not married, I believe, but perhaps you will be some day when the War is over. You will then get to know of a very maddening trick which wives have. You hand them a letter over the coffee-pot beginning, 'Dear Smith, I saw a little water-colour of yours in the Academy and admired it very much. The what-do-you-call-it is so well done, and I like that broad effect. Please accept an earldom,'--but, before they read any of it at all, they turn to the signature at the end and say, 'Why, Jeremy, it's from the KING!' And then all your beautiful surprise is gone. "Now I don't mention this in order to put you off marriage, because there is a lot more in it than letters over the coffee-pot, and all the rest is delightful. But I want to tell you that, if (as I expect) you are keeping the signature of this letter for the surprise, you will be disappointed. I am sorry about it. I tried various signatures with a surprise to them (you would have liked my 'Hall Caine,' I think), but I decided that I had best stick to the one I have used for so many years, 'J. P. Smith.' It will make you ask that always depressing question, 'Who is J. P. Smith?' but this I cannot help. Besides, I want to tell you who he is.