[Illustration: _Recruit_ (_speaking of his late employer_). "AN' 'E SAYS TO ME, 'IT WANTS A COAL-HAMMER TO KNOCK IT INTO YOUR 'EAD.'" _Friend._ "DID 'E SAY THAT?" _Recruit._ "YES, 'E DID. BUT I LET 'IM 'AVE IT BACK. I SAYS, 'IT 'UD BLOOMING WELL TAKE MORE THAN YOU TO DO IT!'"] * * * * * THE AMATEUR POLICEMAN. Friend Robert, if mere imitation Expresses one's deepest regard, How oft has such dumb adoration Been shown on his beat by your bard; In dress, though the semblance seems hollow, How oft since my duties began Have I striven, poor "special," to follow The modes of the Man. I have aped till my muscles grew rigid Your air of Olympian calm; Have sought, when my framework was frigid, To "stand" it _sans_ quiver or qualm; I have also endeavoured to copy The stealthiest thud of your boot; And, with features as pink as a poppy, Your solemn salute. In vain. Every effort is futile, And, while I am "doing my share" To guard (after midnight) a mute isle, Or the bit of it close by my lair, 'Tis perfectly plain that, although it Is easy to offer one's aid, The P.C., alas! like the poet, Is born and not made. * * * * * THE UNLIKELY DUKE. The proposal, made the other day at the annual meeting of Lloyds Bank at Birmingham, that a dukedom should be conferred upon Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, in recognition of his skilful handling of the financial crisis, has aroused intense interest both in Park Lane and in the Welsh valleys. Even among certain of the right honourable gentleman's colleagues in the Cabinet the idea meets with warm approval. There has not yet been a meeting of Dukes to consider how to deal with any situation that may arise; but there is little doubt that their Graces are keeping a keen look-out, and it may be expected that when the time comes their plans will be found to be more or less complete. Down in Wales there is considerable rivalry already concerning the title the CHANCELLOR should take. A strong local committee is being formed at Criccieth to urge the claims of that delightful resort; but it may expect to receive strenuous opposition from the people of Llanpwllwynbrynogrhos, who argue that, while Mr. LLOYD GEORGE'S connection with their village may be slight, it would be highly desirable that there should exist the obstacle of such a name whenever the new Duke's fellow Dukes wished to refer to him. Since it was at the annual meeting of Lloyds Bank that the idea was put forward, we are inclined to think that whenever a title is required the CHANCELLOR might select the "Duke of Lloyds;" and on the other hand, of course, a bank professing such admiration for Mr. LLOYD GEORGE could not pay a prettier compliment than by styling itself "LLOYD GEORGE'S Bank."