On returning to Salonika after an absence of a month, I find the situation much relieved as a result of the deportation of the enemy Consuls and the energetic measures adopted to clear the town of the numerous pies previously infesting it."--_Provincial Paper._ The headline seems justified. * * * * * "I bought a brochure, which explained that the Emperor was not physically ill, but his metal condition was upset owing to the war." _Evening Paper._ Another allusion, we suppose, to the depreciation of the Mark. * * * * * "Lord Crewe and Lord Lansdowne have addressed the following Whip to the members of the House of Lords: On February 15 an address will be moved in the House of Lords in answer to His Majesty's Speech. We venture to express the hope that Your Majesty will find it possible to attend in your place on that day."--_Yorkshire Evening Post._ We have heard of the Sovereign People, but the Sovereign Peers are new to us. * * * * * "In the course of the match, Brelsford, the United half-back, and Glennon, the Wednesday forward, were ordered off the field for fighting. Upwards of 16,000 spectators witnessed the match."--_Birmingham Post._ Mr. Punch will gladly furnish any of the players, or eligibles amongst the 16,000 spectators, with the address of a field where fighters will certainly not be "ordered off." * * * * * "ANIMALS AND ZEPPELIN NOISES. SIR,--The dat is affected by all sounds, according to its weakness or its strength." _Morning Paper._ We have often noticed the same thing about the cog. * * * * * "TYPIST and Shorthand Clerk.--Required at once for invoicing a young lady, accustomed to the drapery trade preferred." _Daily Chronicle._ Not an easy post. Some young ladies are so unaccountable. * * * * * "Washington, Jany. 17.--Mrs. Emmeline Pankhurst the suffragette leader now under parole in New York will be formally admitted to the United States soon after her papers reach Washington. President Wilson is opposed to her execution."--_Bermuda Colonist._ A merciful man, this WILSON. * * * * * [Illustration: _Nervous Young Officer_ (_to 'bus conductor_). "FIRST SINGLE TO OXFORD CIRCUS." (The authorities have recommended that officers should travel first-class.)] * * * * * A CONTROVERSY. (_From Our Own Correspondent in America._) I.