Of the play itself one may at least say that it kept fairly off the beaten track. There was novelty in its local colour, its unfamiliar types and the episode, adroitly managed, of a pair of gloves employed to muffle the division bell at the moment of a crisis on which the fate of the Government depended. But the design was too small to fill the stage of His Majesty's and it left me a little disappointed. I was content so long as Mr. Bourchier was in sight, but the part of _Mrs. Pretty_ needed something more than the rather conscious graces and airy drapery of Miss Kyrle Bellew. The rest of the performance was sound but not very exhilarating; and altogether, though I hope I am properly grateful for any help towards the realisation of "Colonial conditions," I cannot honestly say that _Mrs. Pretty_ and the _Premier_ has done very much for me (as Mr. Bourchier hoped it would) by way of supplementing the thrill of Anzac. O. S. * * * * * A NAVAL REVELATION. Edward Brown's official sheet, Humble though his station, Showed a record which the Fleet Viewed with admiration. Fifteen stainless summers bore Fruit in serried cluster; Conduct stripes he proudly wore, One for every lustre. Picture then the blank amaze When this model rating Suddenly developed traits Most incriminating. Faults in baser spirits deemed Merely peccadillos In that crystal mirror seemed Vast as Biscay billows. Cautioned not to over-run Naval toleration, He replied in language un- Fit for publication. When the captain in alarm Strove to solve the riddle, Edward slipped a dreamy arm Round that awful middle. Such a catastrophic change Set his shipmates thinking; Rumour whispered, "It is strange; Clearly he is drinking." Ever more insistent got This malicious fable, Till he tied a true-love's knot In the anchor cable. * * * * * "During December, 1661, meals for necessitous school children were provided at Chorley at a cost of 4d. per meal per scholar." _Provincial Paper._ In gratitude for the Restoration, we suppose. Hence the watchword, "Good old Chorley!" * * * * * "Summoned for permitting three houses to stray on Stoke Park on the 19th inst ... defendant admitted the offence, but said that some one must have let them out by taking the chain off the gate."--_Provincial Paper_. It seems a reasonable explanation. [Illustration: _Officer_ (_to Tommy, who has been using the whip freely_). "Don't beat him; talk to him, man--talk to him!" _Tommy_ (_to horse, by way of opening the conversation_). "I coom from Manchester."] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)