"I'm awfully sorry, dear," said Ursula, entering the study with an air of contrition. "It isn't my fault; but the Carter girls are here having tea, and the eldest one has brought her birthday-book." She held out the detestable little volume as she spoke. "You know perfectly well that I never---- Is the eldest the one with dark eyes?" "Yes, that's the girl. She's going to be a lady-gardener." It was like a voice from heaven. "For this once," I said benevolently, "I will make an exception." I took the book, already open at some absurd date in April, and wrote in a clear hand:-- "The professional horticulturist should beware lest he (or she) make that a master which should remain a mistress." Ursula read it twice. "It's awfully clever," she said, "and on the spur of the moment too! I can't imagine how you think of these things." "Oh, they just come," I said. So it was not wholly wasted, though I own I should have preferred cash on delivery. Still we can't have everything. * * * * * FLOWERS FOR THE RED CROSS. [Illustration] [Lines written for the Catalogue of the Royal Horticultural Society's Exhibition to be held at the Society's Hall in Vincent Square, on June 27, 28 and 29, for the benefit of the Red Cross.] Think not that Earth unheeding lies Tranced by the summer's golden air, Indifferent, under azure skies, What blows of War her children bear. She that has felt our tears like rain, And shared our wounds of body and soul, Gives of her flowers to ease our pain, Gives of her heart to make us whole. O. S. * * * * * "A Swiss cinematograph periodical learns that the hissing of the Kaiser's picture occurred decently at one of the largest cinema houses in Berlin."--_Glasgow Evening Times._ One of the few decent things the Prussians have done in this War. * * * * * [Illustration: _Recruiting Sergeant (to Brown)._ "ARE YOU IN A CONTROLLED ESTABLISHMENT?" _Mrs. Brown._ "YES, HE IS--AND HAS BEEN FOR TWENTY YEARS."] * * * * * THE TEACHER TAUGHT. Essay-writing in my schooldays certainly was not my forte; "Lack of concentration" always figured in the term's report, And my undistinguished diction made my worthy master snort. Now enlisted as an usher--so a freakish fate ordains-- I employ my best endeavours and the remnant of my brains Setting and correcting essays written by scholastic swains. "Whether they derive advantage from this mental interplay, Modesty, if not misgiving, makes it hard for me to say, But I'm much inclined to fancy that it's just the other way. Anyhow, from this experience I have learned a lot of things Hidden from the ken of scholars or Prime Ministers or Kings, Though revealed to youthful schoolboys lately freed from leading-strings.