The report that Mexico has sent an ultimatum to the United States is probably exaggerated. The Mexican authorities are said to be of the opinion that a policy of firmness combined with moderation will bring their unruly neighbour to reason. * * * A turtle weighing a ton has been caught off the Scilly Isles. The animal, which made no attempt to resist capture, stated that it was tired of being mistaken for a submarine. * * * * * [Illustration: _Sweep (who is to be called up in a few days, pointing to staff uniform)._ "I SHALL BE WEARING THEM THINGS NEXT WEEK, MATE."] * * * * * From an account of the Russian advance:-- "The enemy is desisting furiously, particularly in the region of Torgovitsa." _Provincial Paper._ Just as the German High Seas Fleet did off the coast of Jutland. * * * * * THE SENIOR PARTNER. _As viewed by Franz Josef, Junior Partner._ I hate the horrid roller used by our offensive foe, Which goes so very much more fast than most steam-rollers go; Just now it's got us in a hole particularly tight, But HINDENBURG, brave HINDENBURG, is sure to put us right. Some time ago it snorted up Carpathia's rugged steeps, It tooted through Przemysl Town and Cracow had the creeps; And even in Vienna we were turning rather sick, But MACKENSEN, good MACKENSEN, he saved us in the nick. Our stout Ally's behaviour may contain a touch of swank, But, when we leave a vacuum upon his dexter flank, Although with simulated grief he'd chuck us if he could, His HINDENBURG (or MACKENSEN) has got to make it good. Yet if I do my best to win a battle on my own, And barge about Trentino, which is my peculiar zone, Should anything occur to push my eagle off its perch Then WILLIAM TWO, dear WILLIAM TWO, would leave me in the lurch. But now that I am knocked again on our united front, Which incidentally disturbs his adumbrated stunt, His heart (from quite a distance) yearns to soothe the painful spot, And HINDENBURG, old HINDENBURG, is sent to stop the rot. O.S. * * * * * WHAT THE PRESSMEN SAW. (BY OUR NAVAL EXPERT). I have passed a week rich in experiences. The things I've seen! As one of a party of journalists accorded the privilege of a visit to the Trawler Fleet I am able to-day at last to lift the curtain and tell the public what is going on. It is true that there are some restrictions as to what may be published, but I think you will find that I am free to relate the best bits.