In good VICTORIA'S golden reign Cooks were not lured, by love of gain, From their professional domain To making war munitions; But they had compensations too Denied by law to me and you, And used to supplement their screw By secret trade commissions. FIRELESS COOKERY. When I was young, in days far hence, The heat of the kitchen was most intense, But now, by the use of electric connections Our cooks are able to keep their complexions. A DIETETIC TRAGEDY. Jack Sprat on nuts grew fat; His wife ate nothing but prunes; The Butler drank quarts Of his master's ports, And the Cook ran away with the spoons. BEFORE THE WAR. Master's at his broker's thinking of a flutter; Mistress, she's out golfing, trying her new putter; Cook is at a matinee, laughing at the songs; Why keep a cook when you can feed at restaurongs? DURING THE WAR. Master's in the trenches with his only son; Mistress manages the farm and keeps a poultry run; Miss Belinda roasts and bakes and answers all the bells, For Cook and House-and Kitchen-maid are all making shells. * * * * * "To-day we hear that the elevation to the Peerage of Mr. H. J. TENNANT, M.P. for Berwickshire, is certain. We hope the tile he assumes will be a local one." _Berwick Journal._ A Tweed Cap, we presume. * * * * * "The list of these Canadian doctors is a long one.... It includes ... Major Meakins and Captain Thomas Cotton, the distinguished cardiologists, who are now attached to the Hampstead Hospital for the study of the Soldier's Heart."--_The Times._ This subject must be far and away the most popular at the present time, and we have an idea that the finest experts are not attached to the Medical profession. * * * * * [Illustration: _Mother (to little girl engaged in grooming with a nail-brush a newly-born kitten)._ "OH, MAISIE, I DON'T THINK THAT THE MUMMY-CAT WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU DOING IT THAT WAY." _Maisie._ "WELL, MUMMY, I _COULDN'T_ LICK IT."] * * * * * HIS LADY FRIEND. When the post came in Private Grimes was sitting alone, hammering a strip of metal with a stone. During the eight months that this solitary and silent man had been in Flanders he had not received so much as a picture-postcard, and he expected nothing now. But to the surprise not only of himself but of all the men who saw it, this post brought him a letter:-- "DEER HENERY she is in the best off helth i thort you mite be wunderin' the wether heer is shokin' As it leeves me at presant BILL." Grimes read it with obvious satisfaction and put it in his pocket; soon he took it out and read it again. In the group round the fire that night Grimes was again working on his piece of metal.