A wonderful week! It is folly to draw great conclusions from a hasty visit. All the same this is my considered message to the British Public--_Trust the Trawlers._ BIS. * * * * * S.O.S. "We may indeed say with another meaning, _Sos monumentum requiras circumspice_."--_The Builder._ * * * * * Hun Candour. From a description of Czernowitz in the _Berliner Tageblatt_:-- "Since Saturday evening everyone wanted to go away, Christian, Jew, German." * * * * * "An Edmonton barber, who was given temporary exemption, stated that he had tried a female assistant, but she took half-an-hour to shave one man."--_Evening Paper._ As the result, we suspect, of too much "chin-wagging." * * * * * The following letter was received from a Chinese store-keeper, in response to an order for benzine:-- "MADAM,--Very sorry we have no Benzine, but we have Ground Cloves, Nutmegs, Cinnamon and Ginger. Hoping to be excused for the trouble." Victims of the petrol-census may be glad to know of these substitutes. * * * * * "Wanted good Navies. Several months work. 7d.--Apply Ganger, Northampton." We suspect "Ganger, Northampton," to be a _nom de guerre_ for "Admiral of the Atlantic, Wilhelmshaven," who is notoriously hard up both for ships and money. * * * * * "The evidence of the police was to the effect that about 400 people marched in procession through Dame Street and Westmoreland Street, followed by a crowd of 2,000 girls, who led the processionists." _Daily Mirror._ There is precedent for this in higher circles, where leaders have been known to follow the crowd. * * * * * [Illustration: THE JUDGMENT OF PARIS. PARIS. "WE'VE DECIDED TO KEEP THE APPLE FOR OURSELVES." GERMANIA. "THEN WHAT DO I GET?" PARIS. "THE PIP!"] * * * * * [Illustration: TESTING THE HUSH. YOU DO IT BY DROPPING A PIN AT THE SUPREME MOMENT BEFORE A GREAT SOPRANO'S OPENING NOTE.] * * * * * KITCHEN RHYMES. THE CROWNING ART. It's fine to be a Bishop with a shovel-hat and gaiters; It's fine to be an Author with a style like WALTER PATER'S; It's very fine to be a Judge like DARLING or like AVORY, But it's finer far to be a cook who understands a savoury. TOO MANY COOKS? The broth was spoiled, so said the ancient books, By the employment of "too many cooks"; But nowadays we think the saying funny, When cooks can not be had for love or money. HIGHER EDUCATION. I can't afford to send my sons to Eton; The fees are now prohibitively high; But I'll send my girls to study _Mrs. Beeton_, And hope to reap the profits ere I die. LOSS AND GAIN.