"A letter sent on Friday saying, 'We are starting a central mess for 1,200 men on Monday,' and asking: 'Can you send cooks?' brings as a reply 24 trained women cooks, who roll up their sleeves and cook breakfast for the number stated inside 12 hours!" _The Times._ What was breakfast to some must have been supper to others. * * * * * MUSINGS ON MILK-CANS. When I travel up to London by an early morning train Or return into the country when the day is on the wane, At the smallest railway station There's a dreadful demonstration Which causes me unmitigated pain. I'm aware that milk is needed for our infant girls and boys; That it aids adult dyspeptics to regain "digestive poise"; But I've never comprehended Why its transport is attended By the maximum of diabolic noise. I admit the railway porter who can deftly twirl a can In each hand along the platform is no ordinary man; But what kills me is the banging And the clashing and the clanging As he hurls them in or hauls them from the van. Now if some new material for these vessels could be found-- Non-metallic and in consequence a silencer of sound-- There would be within our borders Fewer nerve and brain disorders And more of moral uplift to go round. I know a dashing journalist, a credit to his trade, Who's always in the thick of it whenever there's a raid. Bombs of various sorts and sizes He describes and analyses, But he can't endure a long milk-cannonade. I've written to our Member, Dr. Philadelphus Snell, To ask a question in the House--I think he'd do it well-- If our cows' nerves should be mangled By the way their milk is jangled; And, if he doesn't play, I'll try GINNELL. * * * * * HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. (_The German Emperor and the Crown Prince._) _The German Emperor._ Sit down, won't you? _The Crown Prince._ Oh, thanks, I rather prefer standing. One's legs get so cramped in a motor-car. _The G. E._ Sit down! _The C. P._ Really, I---- _The G. E._ SIT DOWN!! _The C. P._ Oh, if you're going to take it like that, I'll--yes, yes, there I am. Are you happy now? _The G. E._ I don't know why I tolerate this impertinence from a whipper-snapper like you. If I did my duty---- _The C. P._ I know what you're going to say: if you did your duty you'd have me arrested and packed off to prison. Isn't that it? Yes, I thought so. You want to be like old FREDERICK WILLIAM. He had FREDERICK THE GREAT sentenced to death, and, by Jove, he all but had the sentence carried out too. It was a deuced near thing. FREDERICK WILLIAM was mad, you know--as mad as a hatter, and---- _The G. E._ Stop it. I will not have you add to your other misdeeds the crime of irreverence against one of the greatest and worthiest members of our royal House.