Wilkinson........ 1 Goddard.......... 2 Worsley.......... 3 An excellent win, Wilkinson putting in a wonderful spurt in the last 30 years."--_Indian Paper_. From which we infer that he did not succeed in lowering Sergeant Smith's remarkable record. * * * * * THE MAN WHO COULD DO IT HIMSELF. [Illustration: "HORACE, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE BOILER. SHALL I GET THE PLUMBER?"] [Illustration: "PLUMBER? OF COURSE NOT--] [Illustration: I'LL PUT IT RIGHT.] [Illustration: JUST GET ME A SPANNER--] [Illustration: AND A HAMMER--] [Illustration: AND A LADDER--] [Illustration: AND SOME STRING--] [Illustration: AND A WOODEN PLUG OR TWO--] [Illustration: AND AS MANY TOWELS AS YOU CAN FIND--] [Illustration: AND ALL THE BLANKETS IN THE HOUSE--] [Illustration: AND--] [Illustration: THE DOCTOR."] * * * * * SHAKSPEARE THE TRADUCER. The members of the League of Scottish Veterans of the World War met recently in New York, and after "due deliberation" (_Query_, Can Scotchmen deliberate "duly" in New York now?) passed a resolution demanding that SHAKSPEARE'S tragedy, _Macbeth_, be removed from the curriculum of English literature studies in American schools. Apparently this was an example of "dry" Scotch humour. A neighbouring city had previously banned _The Merchant of Venice_ from its schools on the ground that the character of _Shylock_ was a libel on the Jewish race. If Jewish children no longer had to pay for school editions of _The Merchant of Venice_ should Scottish infants still have to squander their bawbees on a play that insulted their forbears? Perish the thought! "We consider," they declared, "that if a Jewish gabardine is to be cleaned by American Boards of Education the stain should likewise be removed from the Scottish kilt." And if there are no reliable cleaners in the U.S.A. it should be sent to Perth. The example thus nobly set is being widely followed. The members of the Southern Jazz-band Union met yesterday way down in Tennessee, and passed a resolution demanding the elimination of _Othello_ from the educational curriculum. The proposer declared with some heat that "no coloured gentleman would spifflicate his missus wid a bolster on de word of a mean white thief like dat _Iago_." The mere suggestion was dam foolishness and an insult to the most prominent section of the freeborn citizens of the U.S.A. "If dey gwine whitewash de Scotchman, why not de man ob colour too?" At a representative meeting of Welshmen Mr. Jones ap Jones moved that, as a protest against SHAKSPEARE'S treatment of _Fluellen_ and the Cymric vegetable symbol, _Henry V._ "be no longer taught in Welsh schools or read at Jesus College, Oxford, whateffer."