Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-03-10Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-03-10
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"National economy, mostly," answered Charles. "She had the wives' vote
solid, and they carried the more docile of the husbands with them. She had
to throw out bribes to the unmarried electorate of both sexes, of course,
bribes which she had since been attempting to pay. Powder and chocolates
had been made cheaper. There was the Endowment of Cinemas Act of 1948, and
the Subsidized Football Bill of '49. But all these extravagances had
largely ruined the effect of the abolition of tobacco. At the beginning of
that year she had been obliged to cancel the State holiday on Mondays--"
"Why Mondays?" I inquired.
"Everyone feels beastly on Monday."
"But I don't see why they should feel any better on Tuesday."
"It was twenty-four hours nearer Saturday," he replied, "and Saturday was
also a State holiday. Labour, of course, was infuriated, and unrest was
every day becoming more apparent. The by-elections were going against the
Premiere. And now this new handsome young hero had arisen not only to
crystallise the support of his own sex, but capture the hearts of all the
female electorate under twenty."
"Twenty!" I gasped.
"Everyone over fifteen had the franchise," said Charles calmly. "Now mark
you, the programme of the Opposition was very cunning. They only proposed
to reintroduce cigar and cigarette smoking. Edward Oburn, the young leader,
being a film actor, naturally smoked nothing but exquisite Havanas. In this
he had the support of the wealthier employers, but the enormous army of
cigarette-suckers, male and female, was with him.
"But I don't see how he proposed to cut down expenses," I objected.
"He was going to tax the printing of all words over two syllables in
length," replied Charles. "The Press of those days was not affected by the
proposal, but a considerable revenue was expected from scientific books,
high-brow novels and Socialistic publications. Well, the Premiere, as I
say, was a prey to sad reflections, when suddenly the chur-chur of a
taxi--"
"Aren't you thinking of night-jars?" I said.
"Possibly I am," he admitted; "it may have been a chug-chug. Anyway, it
threw a wide arc of light into the gloom and stopped at the door of No. 10.
A few moments later the door of the boudoir was flung open and the
Chancellor of the Exchequer was announced."
"What did _she_ want?"
"She was a he this time, and had come to announce the inevitable--the very
thing that the Premiere was thinking about and fearing. 'We must have the
Bachelor Tax,'" he said.
"Now, the Bachelor Tax had been tried some twenty years before, but had
failed, partly owing to the number of passive resisters who had had to be
forcibly fed, and partly owing to the number of men who had shown
substantial proof of recurrent rejections. How were they to bring in a
reasonable and satisfactory Bill? After a long consultation, lasting
several hours beyond midnight--"
"Did the taxi go on chugging?" I asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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