"Kick 'em," roared Brown, leaping round like a dervish; "make faces at 'em! I want to see ye getting uglier every minute." They grew uglier. Half-an-hour later the squad, limp and perspiring, lay down for a rest. "Well, you've not done too bad," said Brown; "you're all breathin', anyway. Get dressed now, and don't be 'alf-an-hour at it. Don't forget, my lads, 'ustle's the word what makes such men as me--and you too by the time I've finished with you. I'll make it a bit stiffer to-morrow." He strolled off. A voice arose from the squad:-- "Anybody'd think we was a lot of blinkin' animals." * * * * * I came back suddenly to the carriage and the crush. "So you've altered your ideas about hustling?" I said. "Altered them? Why?" "Well," I said, "I can remember a day when Mrs. Brown's old man----" "Why, Sir, you mean to say----" "I do," I said. And after a time:-- "Well, good-bye, Sergeant. Awfully glad to have seen you again, and to know you don't like being hustled any more than we did." He laughed. "One for you, Sir," he said. "But after all you was carrying a rifle, not a bloomin' baby." * * * * * [Illustration: _Old Gentleman._ "IS THAT YOUR BABY?" _Little Girl._ "NO, SIR, IT AIN'T OURN. WE AIN'T 'AD NONE SINCE ME."] * * * * * A Cool Reception. "VISIT OF 10 WESLEYAN MINISTERS. ---- Wesleyan Church. 'Is happiness possible to-day?'" _Provincial Paper._ * * * * * "Nursery Governess to go to Jamaica early May; two boys ages seven and four; one able to give first lessons and music."--_Times._ Then why can't he teach the other? * * * * * "A UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY. Exceptional Purchase of ---- Cigars. Weight about 1-1/2 lbs. Length 5 inches." _Advt. in Evening Paper._ But only suitable, we should imagine, for very heavy smokers. * * * * * "Ex-Government Bedside Tables, make Boat Cupboards, Safes, Bookcases, Wash-stands, etc., not large enough to live in." _Provincial Paper._ Not a solution of the housing problem after all. * * * * * [Illustration: _Head of the House._ "DON'T THINK I'M COMPLAINING, EMMA. I KNOW I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY NEW CLOTHES, AND DON'T IN THE LEAST OBJECT TO HAVING WILFRID'S TROUSERS CUT DOWN TO FIT ME; BUT THE BAG OF THE KNEE MAKES THEM FALL SO AWKWARD AT THE ANKLE."] * * * * * SCREEN _v._ STAGE.