[According to Mr. W. G. FAULKNER, who has recently interviewed CHARLIE CHAPLIN at Los Angeles, the great film comedian chiefly reads serious books on philosophy and social problems, being specially interested in the prices of food and clothing. Romantic novels have no attraction for him, and it is nonsense to say that he ever hoped to play _Hamlet_, for "he does not like Shakespeare, whose works neither entertain nor interest him."] There is bitter grief at Stratford, on the silver Avon's marge, Where the cult of WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE is extremely fine and large, For across the broad Atlantic comes the petrifying news That the greatest film comedian does not care for WILLIAM'S Muse. Serious problems--economics and the price of margarine-- Occupy the hours of leisure that he snatches from the screen; But the works of WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE he dismisses as inane, And he harbours no ambition to enact the princely Dane. This momentous revelation, little birds reveal to me, Has produced a spasm of anguish in the heart of SIDNEY LEE; Wails arise from HENRY AINLEY, BENSON, LANG and MOSCOVITCH, Though so far no word of protest emanates from LITTLE TICH. Still, by way of compensation for this ruthless turning down Of the chief Elizabethan by a neo-Georgian clown, 'Tis averred that STOLL (Sir OSWALD), in a life of storm and stress, Finds distraction from his labours in the works of WILLIAM S. In this context I may notice that the "consequential" KEYNES From an economic survey of the cinema abstains; But this curious lacuna does not prove that he has missed CHARLIE CHAPLIN'S true importance as a sociologist. All the same, good Viscount MORLEY is, we are prepared to state, Unaware of the existence of the peerless HARRY TATE; And the name of MARY PICKFORD doesn't palpably convey Any sort of connotation to the mind of Viscount GREY. This is much to be regretted, but I'm not without the hope That our publicists and statesmen may enlarge their mental scope By frequenting entertainments where the pleased spectators rock At the antics of GEORGE ROBEY or the drolleries of GROCK. So, conversely, CHARLIE CHAPLIN, in a later, mellower phase, May attain to the enjoyment of Elizabethan plays, And, when economic problems on his jaded palate pall, Recognise that there is something in our WILLIAM after all. * * * * * Extract from a lover's letter, read recently in court:-- "I see those self-same eyes, which are my own love's, looking at each other with all that tenderness with which they once looked into mine."--_Provincial Paper._ It would appear that the object of his affections suffered from some obliquity of vision. * * * * * OUR "DUMB" PETS BUREAU.