Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-05-05 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-05-05Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-05-05
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"All ownerless dogs straying about the Camp will be secured by the Camp
police for destruction. Owners of dogs will therefore ensure that their
dogs are provided with collars showing names of owners, and such dogs are
not permitted to stray about the lines unattended."
On reading this Chippo laboriously inscribed an old identity disc--
JANE MUNKS,
"B" COY.,
and sought out Jane in her usual corner near the cook-house. He was
threading the disc with a piece of string when Sergeant Bulter appeared.
"What are you doin' to that dawg?" demanded the Sergeant.
"Fittin' 'er with a necklace," replied Chippo.
"Well, you can keep it to hang yourself with," said Bulter triumphantly;
"she's already provided."
Chippo perceived, what he had previously overlooked, that Jane's neck was
encircled with a collar marked--
JANE BULTER,
SERGEANTS' MESS.
A sick feeling of disappointment came over him, but he dissembled.
"I reckernize the family likeness, Sergeant," he remarked and walked away,
whilst Jane, with callous disregard for his sufferings, meditated whether
to dine with the Ration Corporal or the Sergeant Cook, or both.
Chippo walked gloomily in the direction of the town. As he approached the
_place_ the blaring of cornets and sounds of hilarity reminded him that
Quelquepart was holding its annual _foire_. Merry-go-rounds and swing-boats
were not in harmony with Chippo's mood, and the performance at the
gaudily-painted Guignol struck him as particularly dreary, but the sight of
Ferdinand Delauney's Grande Loterie, with its huge red wheel and tempting
array of prizes, roused him to animation. Ferdinand was attracting
investors by methods of persuasion which Chippo, as an acknowledged
"Crown-and-anchor" expert, recognised as masterly.
"Reckon I'll try a franc's-worth of Ferdy's prize bonds," he said. "But I
expect it'll just be my luck to win a dog-collar or a muzzle."
In due course the wheel began to revolve, and it had scarcely stopped
before Ferdinand jumped from the platform and embraced Chippo with emotion.
"_Mon ami_," he said, "_mes felicitations! Vous avez gagne le premier
prix!_"
Opening a crate he extracted an athletic young cockerel, which he thrust
under Chippo's arm, and the latter walked away with a prize for which he
had not the slightest use.
Presently the cockerel began to struggle, and Chippo, after considering all
methods of transport, took the string intended for Jane from his pocket,
attached it to the rooster's leg and marched it before him. He had not
proceeded far before he was confronted by the scandalised Sergeant Bulter,
with Jane trailing miserably at his heels.
"Hi!" shouted the Sergeant, "what do you mean parading the town like a
blamed poultry show?"
"A chap must 'ave a bit o' company when he goes out. _I_ ain't got no dawg
now," replied Chippo pathetically.
"Dawgs is one thing," said the Sergeant, "and a mangy wry-necked rooster
wot's probably missing from some-one's back-yard is another. It ain't
regimental."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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