Produced by Matt Whittaker, Jonathan Ingram and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net *** Transcriber's Note: typo "thundebrolt" changed to thunderbolt on page 267. The symbol + was used to bracket where text appeared upside down in the original. *** PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Vol. 158. April 14, 1920. CHARIVARIA. "Hat-pins to match the colour of the eyes are to be very fashionable this year," according to a Trade journal. This should be good news to those Tube-travellers who object to having green hat-pins stuck in their blue eyes. * * * Enterprise cannot be dead if it is really true that a well-known publisher has at last managed to persuade Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL to write a few words concerning the Labour Question. * * * "I have never been knocked down by a motor omnibus," says Mr. JUSTICE DARLING. The famous judge should not complain. He must take his turn like the rest of us. * * * "Never pull the doorbell too hard" is the advice of a writer on etiquette in a ladies' journal. When calling at a new wooden house the safest plan is not to pull the bell at all. * * * "American bacon opened stronger yesterday," says a market report. If it opened any stronger than the last lot we bought it must have "gone some." * * * Five golf balls were discovered inside a cow which was found dead last week on a Hertfordshire golf course. We understand that a certain member of the Club who lost half-a-dozen balls at Easter-time has demanded a recount. * * * "An Englishman's place is by his own fireside," declares a writer in the Sunday Press. This is the first intimation we have received that Spring-cleaning is over. * * * A serious quarrel between two prominent Sinn Feiners is reported. It appears that one accused the other of being "no murderer." * * * _The Commercial Bribery and Tipping Review_, a new American publication, offers a prize of four pounds for the best article on "Why I believe barbers should not be tipped." The barbers claim that what they receive is not a tip, but the Price of Silence. * * * According to an evening paper, crowds can be seen in London every day waiting to go into the pit. Oh, if only they were miners! * * * "It is the last whisky at night which always overcomes me," said a defendant at the Guildhall. "A good plan," says a correspondent, "is to finish with the last whisky but one." * * * The British Admiralty are offering two hundred and fifty war vessels for sale. This is just the chance for people who contemplate setting up in business as a new country. * * * "A good tailor," says a fashion writer, "can always give his customer a good fit if he tries." All he has to do, of course, is to send the bill in. * * *