The liftmen, who, you recollect, Spoke of Adolphus with respect, Are pessimistic, even for them, About the fate of Mrs. M. Where Gertrude Minns will go when she Departs this life is not for me, Or you, or liftmen, to decree. And, any way, we needn't fret; She shows no sign of dying yet. * * * * * [Illustration: FIRST AID. _Examiner._ "WHAT MEASURES WOULD YOU TAKE IF YOU HAD TO TREAT A CASE OF SUNSTROKE?" _Boy Scout_ (_who has negotiated fairly successfully a fractured jaw, broken forearm and severed femoral artery_). "I WOULD DRAG HIM INTO THE SHADE, STRIP HIM TO THE WAIST, POUR COLD WATER ON HIM AND PUT HIM INTO ISOLATION IF THERE WAS ANY ICE."] * * * * * THE END OF THE SEASON. The letters of the alphabet were talking. "It's been a wonderful season," said S. "I 'm very proud of it." "Yes," said C; "I don't suppose so much interest was ever taken in cricket before. The number of people able to spend time at a match has been the greatest ever known." L agreed. "Even on the middle days of the week," he said, "Lord's has been packed." "Lord's, forsooth!" O struck in. "Lord's has been empty compared with the Oval. The Ovalites have lost no opportunity of watching their heroes." "When you say 'their heroes' you mean also mine," said H. "But they are not confined to the Oval. I have some at Lord's too; in fact, all over the country. It has been, all the best critics say, an H year." He ticked them off on his fingers. "For Surrey, HOBBS and HITCH; for Middlesex, HENDREN and HEARNE; for Yorkshire, HIRST and HOLMES; for Notts, HARDSTAFF; for Kent, HARDINGE and HUBBLE; for Worcestershire, HOWELL. And four of them," he added, "are going to play for England in Australia. It's a feather in my cap, I can tell you," H went on. "And I needed the encouragement too. No one is treated so badly as I am, especially in London, where I'm being dropped all day long or forced into company which I don't care about. Isn't that true?" "Not 'arf!" said C, who is a good deal of a Cockney. "There!" said H with a sigh, "I told you so." "There's no doubt that our friend the aspirate has done it this year," said T; "but some of us are not downhearted. Look at all my TYLDESLEYS." "We're quite willing to look at them," said C, "but don't ask us to count them. Meanwhile what about my COOK in the same county? And good old hard-working COE and COX?" "Yes," said L, "and what about Lancashire itself--almost at the top of the tree? And LEE of Middlesex? H may have the greatest number of heroes, but we're not to be sneezed at. And even his wonderful HOBBS couldn't win the championship. It rested between M and me. I'm proud to be M's next-door neighbour."