Sir, do not try our piety too sore, Bidding us sacrifice--a wrench how cruel!-- Her whom we prize all geese before-- The one that lays that precious ore, Our priceless daily fuel. Her output, as it is, shows want of will To check the slackness growing rife and rifer; And it would fall far lower still (Being, indeed, reduced to _nil_) If they should go and knife her. Yet there are men who press the slaughterers' claim In sympathetic language, talking loosely; Among them Mr. GOSLING--shame That anyone with such a name Should cackle so ungoosely! Not in your honour would that bird be slain If they should kill her--and the hour is critical-- But for their own ends, thus to gain An object palpably profane (That is to say, political). Defend her, Michael! you who smote the crew Of Satan on the jaw and stopped their bluffing; So, if you see her safely through, We'll give you thrice your usual due Of other geese (with stuffing). O.S. * * * * * BRIDGE CONVENTIONS. The game of Auction Bridge may be divided into three species. There is the one we play at home, the second which we play at the Robinsons', and the third that is played at the high table at my club. The three games are peculiarly distinct, but I have only recently discovered, at some expense, that each one has its particular conventions. At home, if I venture a light no-trump, and Joan, sitting on my right, exclaims well out of turn, "Oh! father," we all know that Joan has the no-trumper, and the play proceeds accordingly. At the Robinsons' it is different. Suppose I make a call of one spade and the elder hand two hearts, and my partner (let us suppose he is Robinson) passes, and I say "Two spades," and the elder hand says "Three hearts," and Robinson bellows "No," I at once realise that it would be extremely dangerous to call three spades. These two typical forms of convention are quite clear and seldom lead to any misunderstanding. But the high table at the club is different, and, if I might say so with all diffidence, the conventions there are not so well defined. In fact they may lead to terrible confusion. I speak with confidence on this point because I tried them a few days ago. Three disconsolate monomaniacs wanted making up, and I, dwelling upon the strong game I had recently been playing at home, threw precaution to the winds and made them up. My partner was a stern man with a hard blue eye and susceptible colouring. After we had cut he informed me that, should he declare one no-trump, he wished to be taken out into a major suit of five; also, should he double one no-trump, he required me to declare without fail my best suit. He was going to tell me some more but somebody interrupted him. Then we started what appeared to be a very ordinary rubber.