In my address to the jury of matrons I was able to show pretty clearly that the crime was the work of a gang. I proved that Denys and Joan must have done the bulk of the dirty work, under the tactical direction of the Barkers, who did the rest; while in the background was the sinister figure of Mr. Winthrop, the strategical genius, the lurking Macchiavelli of the gang. The jury were not long in considering their verdict. They said: "We find, your Lordship, that you did it yourself, with some lady or ladies unknown." That comes of being a professional humourist.... IX. I ignored the verdict. I addressed the prisoners very severely and sentenced them to do the Chasm hole from 6.0 A.M. to 6.0 P.M. every day for a week, to take out cards and play out every stroke. "You, Winthrop," I said, "with your gentlemanly cunning, your subtle pretensions of righteousness--" But there is no space for that.... X. As a matter of fact the jury were quite right. In company with a lady who shall be nameless I did do it. At least, at one time I thought I did. Only we have proved so often that somebody else did it, we have shown so conclusively that we can't have done it, that we find ourselves wondering if we really did. Perhaps we didn't. If we did we apologise to all concerned--except, of course, to Mr. Winthrop. I suspect him. A.P.H. * * * * * [Illustration: THE END OF THE SEASON. _Sympathetic Friend._ "WELL, YOU'VE LAID HER UP NICELY FOR THE WINTER, ANYHOW."] * * * * * MIXED METEOROLOGICAL MAXIMS. (_By a Student of Psychology._) When the glass is high and steady For domestic broils be ready. When the glass is low and jerky Then look out for squalls in Turkey. When the air is dull and damp Keep your eye on Mr. CRAMP. When the air is clear and dry On BOB WILLIAMS keep your eye. When it's fine and growing finer Keep your eye upon the miner. When it's wet and growing wetter 'Twill be worse before it's better. When the tide is at its ebb Fix your gaze on SIDNEY WEBB. When the tide is at high level Modernists discuss the Devil. Floods upon the Thames or Kennet Stimulate the brain of BENNETT; While a waterspout foretells Fresh activities in WELLS. When it's calm in the Atlantic Gooseberries become gigantic. When it's rough in the Pacific Laying hens are less prolific. When the clouds are moving _largo_ There is no restraining MARGOT. When their movement is _con brio_ 'Ware CHIOZZA MONEY (LEO)! When the sun is bright but spotty Diarists become more dotty. When the sun is dim and hazy Diarists become more crazy. When the nights are calm and still Faster travels GARVIN'S quill. When the blizzard's blast is hissing REPINGTON is reminiscing. If you ponder well these lines You can read the weather signs In accordance with the rule Binding both on sage and fool:-- _Anything in mortal ken May befall us anywhen._