* * * * * COMMERCIAL IMPORTUNITY. "Services! Dozens other cars available, £1,500 to £50. Call and insult us." _Motor Journal._ * * * * * MORE VISIONS OF THE UNSEEN. "The roads are peculiarly situated, and are dangerous not only because they are main cross roads, but also on account of the hidden view they afford of each other."--_Local Paper._ * * * * * [Illustration: _Teacher._ "AND WHAT DOES _ff_ MEAN?" _Pupil_ (_after mature deliberation_). "_Fump-Fump._"] * * * * * THE DEVOTED LOVER. ["Loiterers will be treated as trespassers."--_Notice on Tube Station._] No longer laud, my Jane, the ancient wooer Who for the favours of his ladye fayre Would sally forth to strafe the evil-doer Or beard the dragon in his inmost lair; Find it no more, dear heart, a ground for stray tiffs Because, forsooth, you can't detect in me A tendency to go out whopping caitiffs Daily from ten till three. He proved himself in his especial fashion, Daring the worst to earn a lover's boon, But I, no less than he a prey to passion, Faced risks as great this very afternoon, When at the Tube a long half-hour I waited (In fond obedience to your written beck) Where loiterers, it practically stated, Would get it in the neck. The liftmen who from time to time ascended To spill their loads (in which you had no part) Regarded me with eagle eyes intended To lay the touch of terror on my heart; But through a wait thus perilously dreary My spirits drooped not nor my courage flinched; "She cometh not," I merely sighed, "I'm weary And likely to be pinched." You came at last, long last, to end my fretting, And now you know how your devoted bard Faced for your sake the risk of fine or getting An unaccustomed dose of labour (hard); Harbour no more that idiotic notion That love to-day is unromantic, flat; Gave _Lancelot_ such a proof of his devotion, Did _Galahad_ do that? * * * * * PAMELA'S ALPHABET. _Scene._--A DOMESTIC INTERIOR. Pamela's _father, in one armchair, is making a praiseworthy effort to absorb an article in a review on "The Future of British Finance." In another armchair_ Pamela's _mother is doing some sort of mending._ Pamela _herself, stretched upon the hearthrug, is reading aloud interesting extracts from a picture-book._ _Pamela_ (_in a cheerful sing-song_). A for Donkey; B for Dicky. _Her Father._ What sort of dicky? _Pamela_ (_examining the illustration more closely_). All ugly black, bissect for his blue mouf. _Her Mother_ (_instructively_). Not blue; yellow. And it's a beak, not a mouth.