"CHRISTMAS IS COMING!"--"Tell me not in _Christmas_ Numbers," that Christmas is coming. We wish the good old gentleman would not announce his intended arrival so long beforehand. Everybody knows, that, like one of his own Christmas books, he is "bound to appear" at a certain fixed date. Among the first of the heralds on the bookstalls is the Christmas Number of the _Penny Illustrated_, price threepence, and well worth the money. Mr. LATEY, Junior, arranges a Christmas Literary and Artistic Banquet, and every plate has a plateful of Christmas fare. The picture entitled "Spoons" and representing two persons in evening-dress slipping downstairs--"such a getting downstairs"--in a sitting position, probably two amateur Tobogganists, is distinctly humorous. The coloured illustration, called _The Christmas Ball_, will be a great favourite with boys. If the Early Bird still catches the worm, the Latey one who is first in the field with this Christmas number ought to pick up the three-pennies. * * * * * LITERARY.--It is announced that _Mr. Snodgrass_ has "thoroughly revised his translations from HEINE." We expect next to hear that _Mr. Tracy Tupman_ has "Englished" _Catullus_, and that _Mr. Winkle_ is preparing a new edition of the _Book of Sports_. * * * * * FLORAL APPEAL TO NOVEMBER.--"Fog-get-me-not!" * * * * * [Illustration: THE NE PLUS ULTRA. _Jeames I._ "VERY DANGEROUS PARTIES THESE HUNEMPLOYED! WHY, THEY'RE A BEGINNIN' TO DENOUNCE _HUS_!" _Jeames II._ "_NO!_"] * * * * * [Illustration: "'Twas in Trafalgar's Square." Nov. 20, 1887. _Nelson (as Special Constable) sings:_-- "England expects that every man This day will go on Duty!"] * * * * * THE LAST OF THE SOLOMONSES.--The final knockdown blow was given to poor TUPPER'S _Proverbial Philosophy_ by Mr. JOHN MORLEY, who, in his admirable discourse on Aphorisms, described it as a "too famous volume," which "had immense vogue, but it is so vapid, so wordy, so futile, as to have a place among the books that dispense with parody." Alas! poor TUPPER! _Mr. Punch_ bids thee adieu for ever! * * * * * Will Mr. LOCKYER turn his attention Eastwards, and inform us if the Corporation of the City of London is a "Self-luminous Body"? If so, couldn't it be utilised in a fog? * * * * * Describing the state of mind her Nephew was in on not being able to find a stud at the last moment to put in his shirt-front, Mrs. RAM said, "Oh, he was awfully iterated." * * * * * A MESS.--What's on the _tapis_ in France? GRÉVY. M. WILSON, who speaks Latin with English pronunciation, throws all the blame on his father-in-law, and says it's a "_Grévy delictum_." * * * * * "SPECIAL" REASONS: _Or, Why They were "Sworn In."_