_Paterfamilias._ "Because I think it's my duty, as a law-abiding citizen, to set a good example." _Mister Tom (his son)._ "Because I must look after the old Governor, and see he doesn't come to grief." _Mr. Brown, Q.C._ "Because I'm not going to let those fellows, JONES and ROBINSON, think that I shirk the responsibility." _Messrs. Jones, M.D., and Robinson, R.A._ "Because we don't mean to be outdone by that fellow BROWN." _The West-end Young Man._ "Because, you know, I think, on the whole, it's the correct thing to do." _The Primrose-League Young Man._ "Because I should very much like to have a real chance of giving a Social Democrat a good whack on the head." _'Arry._ "Because it's such a prime lark." _The General Person._ "Because everybody seems to be doing it." * * * * * Mem. by a Hater of Premature "Christmassing." "Christmas comes but once a year"-- But it lasts three months at a stretch, that's clear. _I_ should like to pass the whole quarter in slumbers, To dodge the infliction of--Christmas Numbers! * * * * * The Great Ochipaway Chief says that he intends to continue selling his chips. But he has a log by him with which, as he has kept it for many years, he will not part on any account. * * * * * ON A RECENT CASTING VOTE. What! How did LYTTON get into the chair! The usual way--he mounted by the STAIR. * * * * * THE REPORT ON THE FIRE AT THE EXETER THEATRE.--"Slow, but SHAW." * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. [Illustration]