They commenced their attack in the dead of the night, Scaled a wall, dug a tunnel, and cut through two floors, Wrenched a lock off with stern, irresistible might, And broke open some thoroughly unsecured doors. For booty they hunted below and on high-- But naught could they find save a chunk of cold veal, Till, down in the basement, they chanced to espy, Near the back-kitchen sink a huge trapdoor of steel. In a second the trap from its fastness they tore, When, heaped up pell-mell, of all shapes and all sizes, The gratified Peers beheld score upon score Of grand and legitimate housebreakers' prizes,-- Tiaras of rubies and diamond _rivières_, Superb jewelled bracelets and brooches and rings, Great emerald, sapphire, and pearl _solitaires_, And all manner of precious, magnificent things. As they gazed on these treasures with glittering eyes, Lightly handling the gewgaws with delicate touches, The Duke softly murmured, "Oh! what a surprise! Why, some of these trinkets belong to the Duchess!" "By Jove!" said the Marquis, "this carcanet here Has been worn scores of times by my dowager-aunt!" And the Baron rejoined, "It seems perfectly clear That this squalid abode is a regular plant!" "What a joke!" cried the Earl. "We have chanced on the ken Of professional brethren, our seniors in guile, And I think that, for young inexperienced men, We have collared their plunder in workmanlike style. Let us cull and remove these nefarious hoards-- We can turn the whole lot into cash at our leisure; A delightful career is before us, my Lords, A bright future of usefulness, profit, and pleasure!" The next day they disposed of their swag for a plum, And invested the proceeds in Spaniards and Turks, After nobly deducting a moderate sum For the Burglar's Relief Fund and other good works. They paid all their creditors, kept up their rank. Betted ponies and monkeys like regular "toppers;" Till one night, as they'd just broken into a bank, These deserving young nobles were nailed by the "coppers." The Old Bailey was crowded one sunny May morn With ladies arrayed in superlative frocks, When the jury who sate on our nobles forlorn, Found them guilty at once, without leaving the box. And it thus came to pass, I regret to relate, That these earnest, industrious, well-meaning Peers, The pride of their order, the stay of the State, Were condemned to pick oakum for twenty-one years! * * * * * A WORD FOR THE WAR-OFFICE.--Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM says it's all very well to talk about the parsimony of the War-Office; but she hears that the soldiers are provided with fatigue jackets, and thinks it's really kind of the Authorities to supply the men with something special to wear when they are tired. * * * * * HOW WE ADVERTISE NOW.