No pleasure they took in the joys of the table; Though stalwart, they recked not to breakfast or sup-- E'en to plunge at _bézique_ they no longer were able, For the fact was these nobles were deuced hard up! Moaned the Marquis, "We're all in a state of depression; As for me, my existence is simply a bore; Let us strike a new line out--adopt some profession Which no British Peer ever practised before." [Illustration] Then the Baron cried, "Listen, old chappies; I've hit On a notion that's brilliant and perfectly new;-- Why shouldn't we four try to burgle a bit, And wrest from the wealthy what's fairly our due? Garotting is vulgar, and cruel to boot, The pickpocket oft is despised when detected; But burglary's just the profession to suit A lover of enterprise, highly connected." A paper was fetched, and his Grace read aloud The following paragraph:--"Criminal Tips! Young Nobles and Gentlemen under a cloud Apply to Professor JEHOSHAPHAT FIPPS, At his residence, 2, Sheppard Buildings, E.C., Where he nightly gives lessons, from seven till nine, To youngsters of spirit, from prejudice free, In arts which amusement with profit combine." Next evening the Peers, fully dressed for their parts In moleskin and highlows and flat beaver-caps, Sought out the Professor with quick-throbbing hearts, Their courage all but in a state of collapse. Mr. FIPPS gave them seats; then politely inquired, If aught to oblige them perchance he could do, And replied, when they told him what 'twas they required, "All right, noble sportsmen!--I'll soon put you through!" He taught them to handle the jemmy with grace, To frisk with the centrebit, toy with the file-- To flourish the fitful dark-lantern apace, And wield the gay crowbar in elegant style; With skeleton-keys to pick counting-house locks, To ply the dumb saw and the chisel that's cold, To prize up the lid of a banker's strong-box, And the portals of burglar-proof safes to unfold. When their Lordships were thoroughly versed in their trade, And had passed their exams, in a masterly way, They agreed that a dashing attempt should be made, Their expertness to test without further delay. Should they first try their hands at a light, easy job, Not too risky, but graceful, artistic and neat, Or essay a bold stroke the Exchequer to rob, Or the merry Old Lady of Threadneedle Street? At last they resolved that the best thing to do, Was to try an experiment, just for a lark, (And to keep their hands in for a lucrative _coup_,) On a workman's abode near Victoria Park. They hankered for something quite simple and plain, Both suburban and poor, for their trial essay; So they picked out a one-storeyed house down a lane, Which they learned had been empty for many a day.