In Memory's mystical hazes I see a vast Gander and grey, I see the small boy that he chases At the head of a hissing array: How I wept when they brought me to bay, How I pleaded in vain for a truce! Too frightened to shoo them away, I could never say Boh to a Goose! I have lived through a number of phases, I have rhymed of the grave and the gay, But the clatter of critical phrases, But the moralist armed for the fray, I have fled in unseemly dismay, Since the Gander--'tis all my excuse-- For, in brief, since that terrible day-- I could never say Boh to a Goose! It was fabled of old that in places Grow goose-bearing trees by the way, Where bough within bough interlaces Green geese flutter down from the spray; In reviews, at first nights of the play, These shrubs are in general use, And I would not encounter them, nay, I could _never_ say Boh to a Goose! _Envoy._ ANGELICA! bid me essay The deeds of a WALLACE or BRUCE, But talk not of _publishing_, pray-- I could never say Boh to a Goose! * * * * * IRISH APPOINTMENT EXTRAORDINARY (_subject to the kind permission of Sir Bernard Burke, C.B., LL.D._).--The Right Hon. JOSEPH O'CHAMBERLAIN, M.P., to be Ulster-King-of-Arms. * * * * * NOTE BY AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS, AFTER THE GRANTING OF THE LICENCE TO THE EMPIRE THEATRE.--"_L'Empire c'est la_ pay 46 per cent.--like the Alhambra." * * * * * [Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID. _Professor Chatterleigh._ "BY GEORGE! I'M SO HUNGRY I CAN'T _TALK!_" _Fair Hostess (on hospitable thoughts intent)._ "OH, I'M _SO_ GLAD!"] * * * * * THE MESSENGER OF PEACE. (_With apologies to the Shade of the Author of "Al Aarof."_) [I have read ... that I have come to Ulster to revive religious bigotry, to rekindle the embers of party strife, and to revive ancient feuds which are now in a fair way to be forgotten. I can assure you that these are not the objects which I propose to myself. (_Laughter._)--_Report of Mr. Chamberlain's Speech in Belfast._] _Erin's Guardian Angel sings_:--