Ribbons of all colours, lo! Crosses--mark their gleam and glow! Blue as violets, red as roses, Buy them swift whilst power dozes! Decorated thus you'll clamber To court-height or lady's chamber. Golden talismans are these. _Parvenus_ may pass with ease With these gauds to heights the leal Buy with brain or stainless steel. Come buy of me, come buy, come buy! Cheap "honours" now is all the cry! Buy ribbons--like tape, Blue blood you may ape, They're dainty, and not too dear-a! With peers you may tread, Yet hold up your head, They're the newest and finest of wear-a! Come to the pedlar, Money's a meddler, That gets _all_ men by the ear-a! [_Has HIS ear suddenly pulled by Madame La République._ * * * * * [Illustration: RETALIATION. _Cabby._ "WHA'S THIS FOR, LADY? WHICH MY FARE'S TWO SHILL----" _Old Lady (quite able to take care of herself)._ "I BEG YOUR PARDON, CABMAN. I KNOW THE DISTANCE--IT'S NOT THREE MILES BY TWO HUNDRED YARDS. PLEASE KNOCK AT THE----" _Cabby._ "UGH! Y' 'ON'T HEV A DOUBLE KNOCK, I CAN TELL YER THAT!"] * * * * * ROBERT ON SPELLING. I've bin informed, on such orthority as I carnt for a moment dout, wiz., Professor BASSINGHAM of the White Cross Brigade, that a cumpany has bin formed in Amerrikey to perswade hewerybody as writes English to spell it as I does. I never knowd afore but what I spelt my spelling like other littery gennelmen, but I'm told now that I don't, but that I spells it more nateral like, and so it appears that after about 2 years thinkin of it over, the gratest Orthers in Amerrykey has all resolved to follow my nobel xample and do as I does, as neer as they can git to it. So they has formed theirselves into the "Spelling Reform Association," and has got a Presedent, and Wise Presidents, and a Counsel, and a Seketerry, and all the blooming luxurys of a rich Cumpany, and has jest published their fust Number and charges fore shillins for it, as I nose to my corst, cos I've jest bin and bort one. Well, having jest a lezzure hour or 2, I've bin a trying to read my noo book, witch is suttenly to me a dear book, but I greeves to say as I don't find werry much in it, as I understands. They suttenly uses sum werry powerful words, and sez sum werry powerful things, and tries their werry best to spell like me, but I don't think as I can troothfully say as they always suckeeds. They spels _hed_ like me, and _helth_, and _dropt_, and _enuf_; but who ever seed me use sitch words as _thru_, or _cof_, or _thuro_, or _tuf_, or _ughly_? Professor CHADBAND, L.L.D., says that "our senseless spelling makes him ashamed of his language, and yet thru habit he continues it." DAVID D. FIELD, L.L.D., of New York, talks of our Nobel English Tung "being disfigured," and says I ought to be haild as a deliverer!