Professor HADLEY says, "our language is shockingly speld." Lord LYTTON says, "it is a lying round-about puzl-heded delusion!" and our own heloqwent Sir C. E. TREVELYAN, K.C.B., says, "it is a labyrinth, a chaos, an absurdity, and a disgrace!" and the Hedditer of the book winds it all up by saying that "it is the wurst there is!" Poor old English Langwidge! I ony wonders how SHAKESPEAR and MILTON, and BURNS managed to get on with it, tho suttenly BURNS was a dredful bad speller. Why he used to spell "who" _wha_, and "have" _hae_, and "whom" _wham_! But then he was only a poor plowman, and not an Hed Waiter. I of coarse little thort wen I fust commenced my umbel efforts to instruckt and enliten the world with skimmings from my daily dairy, that I shood ever be held up to the admirashun and gratitood of English mankind as a deliverer of our nobel English Tung from its many defecks, but I of course acceps the pursishun, and, I ope, with becoming umility, and if the Spelling Reform Association chooses, as seems ony nateral, to elect me as one of their Wice Presidents, with a nice cumferal little salary paid quarterly, in adwance, I shall not at all object to become also one of their regular contribbuters, or ewen to hedit sum of their harticles as is really not quite hup to the mark in the spelling line. Professor F. J. CHILD, P.D., L.H.D., cums it rayther strong when he says, "Sum hav a religious aw, and sum hay an erth-born passion for our establisht spelling. I don't much care how anybody spells, so he spels different from that." But praps one of the werry greatest staggerers in my four-shilling staggering book, is what the Heditter says, wiz., "A filologist who should uphold our present mode of spelling, would be like an astronomer who should teach that the Erth is based on a Turtl." I think that's about the most wunderfullest sentense as ewen a Hedhitter ever wrote, and they does sumtimes cum out with a startler or 2. Fust with regard to the spelling. As I don't in the least know what a Filologist means I carnt of course say much as to that, but if there is one mortal thing in this butiful world of ours as I does know sumthink about, I should think as all the ciwilized world woud agree as it was Turtle, and I refuses at once, without no manner of dowt, to pardon the man who coud carmly and cooly sit down and write that almost sacred name without his final Hee! Turtl, indeed! why it amost makes me shudder as I rites it down; and jest before Lord Mare's Day too, why it's hadding hinsult to hinjury. But ewen that isn't all the marwels of this most egstrordinary sentense. What in the world can he mean by saying as the world is based on a Turtl?