[_Points triumphantly to the work at the back, while he waves the draft of a new Act of Parliament over the prostrate form of the_ Owner of the Property, _as the Curtain slowly descends_. * * * * * [Illustration: "MUFTI." _Materfamilias (flurried)._ "OH, PLEASE, WILL MR. CHARKLE COME TO OUR HOUSE DIRECTLY--THE SOOT IS FALLING INTO THE NURSERY, AND----" _Mrs. Charkle._ "CERTAINLY, M'UM. LEASTWAYS MY 'USBAND _AIN'T IN BLACK_ HISSELF TO-DAY, M'UM, BUT I'LL SEND SOMEBODY AT ONCE, M'UM!"] * * * * * MORE ADVICE GRATIS. VICTIM.--We should not advise you to prosecute the constable who "pummeled you severely," and then took you up for being drunk and disorderly, because you happened to drop your hymn-book on the pavement on returning from Church last Sunday evening. We cannot, either, recommend your going to the Police Station to lodge a complaint, unless you are an expert pugilist or take the precaution to wear sheet-iron next the skin. Perhaps the poor fellow was trying to introduce the _massage_ treatment to your attention. RIPARIAN OWNER.--Yes, you can, if you think it worthwhile, sue the owners of the five houseboats which have moored themselves close to your front-garden, and to whose proximity you fancy the two cases of typhus and one of cholera in your family are to be attributed. You ask what the maximum costs would be. Costs are things which have no maximum. Multiply your yearly income by the number of boats, and you will be pretty near the amount. HISTORICAL STUDENT.--1. THOMAS CROMWELL was called the "Lord Protector" because he protected the Lord Chancellor (WOLSEY) from the King's vengeance. 2. No, the expression "short commons" has nothing do with the Long Parliament. POLITICIAN.--1. You are under a misapprehension in supposing that Mr. CHAMBERLAIN has undertaken to delimit the Afghan frontier. He has been appointed a Fishery Commissioner, with full power to investigate the condition of the Margate whelk-trade. 2. North Sea "Smacksmen" are not so called in consequence of their recent treatment by the Ostend fish-wives. VOTARY OF SCIENCE.--The Antarctic regions were so named to distinguish them from the Arctic regions. A rather illiterate sea-captain discovered them, and at once exclaimed, "Why, these _Aint Arctic!_" They have retained this quaint title ever since.--No, the British Association does not require its members to have, as you suppose, "a profound knowledge of Chemistry, Physiology, Dynamics, and all other branches of Modern Science." Payment of a guinea entrance-fee is all that is needed.