_Puck._ By Jove, thou speak'st aright; I am that merry wanderer full of spite. I jest unto the Plebs and make it smile. Old, fat, and bean-fed Tories I beguile, And lead them to a Democratic goal. Now I am "going for" the flowing bowl. E'en W-LFR-D owns I am "upon the job". I mean to save the workman many a "bob". But, lessening his chance of toping ale, The Witler tells his pals the saddest tale. Bacchus for his true friend mistaketh me, Then step I from his side, down topples he, And "Traitor!" cries, and swears I did but chaff, And the Teetotallers hold their sides and laugh, And chortle in their joy, and shout, and swear That GRANDOLPH GOODFELLOW's a spirit rare. But room, old boy, the Second Reading's on. _Bung._ He is a trickster:--Would that he were gone! * * * * * MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES. SOCIAL. "_Dear me, how surprisingly your voice has strengthened since I last heard you sing_;" _i.e._, "Roars like a town-bull, and fancies himself a LABLACHE!" "_I saw quite a ring round your picture at the Academy to-day_;" _i.e._, "If only he had heard them laugh!" "_Won't you stop and have some lunch?_" _i.e._, "Couldn't help asking him, as the confounded luncheon-bell rang a peal; but if he has any manners or consideration he'll say, 'No, thank you,' and go." "_I know your face so well--but I am such a bad hand at names_;" _i.e._, "Never saw him before in my life!" "_Pray allow me to get it_;" _i.e._, "Catch me moving!" "_You know you can trust me implicitly_;" _i.e.,_ "May be a good story to tell." "_He has such wonderful wit_;" _i.e._, "An unfailing flow of rudeness which he calls repartee." "_Rather satirical, yes: but she has marvellous insight into character_;" _i.e._, "She has been complimenting _me_." PLATFORMULARS. "_These, then, are the arguments_;" _i.e._, "They're all yawning--must end somehow." "_A crushing reply_;" _i.e._, a retort discourteous, in which all the points of the attack are adroitly evaded. "_After the magnificent oration to which we have just listened with so much delight, I feel that anything that I can say must be in the nature of an anti-climax_;" _i.e._, "Confound him! Why will he take all the 'fat' to himself, and cut the ground from under a fellow's feet?" "_I have the greatest possible pleasure in presiding over this magnificent assembly on this memorable occasion_;" _i.e._, "Place is like a malodorous oven, and I wish to goodness it were all over." PARLIAMENTARY. "_I appeal to that consideration which the House always extends to a new Member, &c._;" _i.e._, "Mean to make them sit up a bit, but _must_ come the conventional modest." "_The Honourable and Gallant Gentleman has fulfilled his task with all the ability that might naturally be expected_;" _i.e._, "With none worth mentioning." "_I rise to order_;" _i.e._, "To raise _dis_order." EPISTOLATORY.