"_Let me be the first, dear, to congratulate you on your well-merited good fortune_;" _i.e._, "She has the deuce's own luck, and doesn't deserve it." "_Thank you so much for your beautiful present, which I shall value for its own sake as well as for the giver's_;" _i.e._, "Wouldn't give twopence for the two of 'em." "_So good of you to send me your new book. I shall lose no time in reading it_;" _i.e._, "No; not a single second." AT A DANCE. "_So you prefer to stand out of this dance, dear?_" _i.e._, "Trust her for being a _willing_ 'Wallflower.'" "_Shall we sit this out on the stairs?_" _i.e._, "I don't want to dance, and I _do_ want to spoon." A LITTLE MUSIC. "_Well, dear, the only song I can remember, without music, is 'Gasping'--but I'll try that, if you like_;" _i.e._, "_Her_ great song, which she has been grinding up to sing to--or rather _at_--young FITZ-FLOSS. _Won't_ she be wild?" "_Well, your Beethoven bits are lovely, dear, we know; but suppose you give us something lighter, for once_;" _i.e._, "BEETHOVEN, indeed! BESSIE BELLWOOD is more _her_ style." CHANNEL PASSAGE. "_Well, it may be a bit lively when we get out_;" _i.e._, "You won't know whether you are on your head or your heels in ten minutes." CURIOMANIA. "_I've never seen such a collection of curios in my life!_" _i.e._, "Hope I never may again!" "_I'm no great judge of such things, but I should say this specimen is unique_;" _i.e._, "It is to be _hoped_ so!" "Ex-_qui-site_!!!" _i.e._, "Rubbish!" RAILROAD AMENITIES. "_Awfully noisy carriages on this line_;" _i.e._, "Thank goodness! The clatter has tired even _his_ stentor throat." "_Good-bye! So sorry we don't travel farther together_;" _i.e._, "Hooray! Now for feet up and forty winks!" PREPARING FOR PRIVATE THEATRICALS. "_I'm sure you will be a great acquisition to my little company_;" _i.e._, "Awful stick, but a _pis aller_ I'm afraid." "_Now if there's_ anything _you notice not_ quite _the thing_, pray _mention it_. I'm _not above taking a hint_;" _i.e._, "Nor _you_ up to giving one--of any value." "_Oh, no doubt you're right, though it's not the way_ CHARLES MATHEWS _did it_;" _i.e._, "That's a nasty one for you, Mr. MEDDLER." "_Ah, yes, I was a little off colour, perhaps; but I shall be all right on the night, you bet!_" _i.e._, "Not going to be dictated to by _you_ anyhow." * * * * * "STANDS SCOTLAND (YARD) WHERE IT DID?"--Yes; only more so. And how kind and thoughtful of the Government to order that the materials for building the new Police Offices should be found and fashioned by the Dartmore convicts. Quite a labour of love! * * * * * Correspondent, in _Times_ of Saturday, showed that, in Spite of increase of population, there has been a decrease of drunkenness. In 1884-85 there were 183,221 drunken Police-court cases; but in 1887-88 only 166,366. Anti-temperance persons will look upon this as "a Drop too much."