[Illustration: RIGHT HON. E. ST-NH-PE. "WELL, COLONEL,--YOU VOLUNTEERS HAVE DISTINGUISHED YOURSELVES,--AS USUAL!" COLONEL PUNCH. "AND I SUPPOSE, SIR, WE SHALL HAVE TO PAY FOR IT OUT OF OUR OWN POCKETS,--AS USUAL!!"] * * * * * MODERN TYPES. (_By Mr. Punch's Own Type-Writer._) No. VIII.--THE INVALID LADY. [Illustration] The Invalid Lady is, as often as not, the only daughter of parents whose social position is higher than the figure of their yearly income. Nevertheless, they contrive, by means of gallant struggles, to keep on the high level of the sacred appearances. They are seen wherever smart people ought to be seen, they do everything that smart people ought to do; their Victoria is well appointed, their little house in Mayfair is prettily furnished, and both they and their servants are always well dressed. Upon the birth of the frail and solitary pledge of affection, with which fate, after passing them by for many years, at length afflicted them, their situation became almost desperate; but, by a judicious curtailment here, and a discreet omission there, they managed once more to strike a balance slightly in their own favour. Having passed their child safely through the nursery into the school-room, they combined with other parents to secure the services of governesses and teachers, under whose instruction the square pegs of knowledge might be fitted to the round holes of girlish brains. The future Invalid resented this process by frequent head-aches, which were allowed to withdraw her from her studies to the comfortable ignorance of the drawing-room sofa. Eventually, however, she was considered to be finished, and, having been carefully packed and labelled by her mother, was delivered, after a journey through two seasons, to a rich and rising Member of Parliament, who paid the carriage, and married the parcel.