THE BEST SCREENED DUCAL KNOBBLES.--As supplied direct from the ancestral estates of His Grace the Duke of WAGOVER. * * * THE BEST SCREENED DUCAL KNOBBLES.--This fashionable coal, throwing down a pleasing and prettily-coloured but plentiful light blue ash, is now confidently recommended to the general public, by His Grace the Duke of WAGOVER, who begs to inform his numerous patrons and clients that he has now completed his final arrangements to enable him entirely to relinquish his duties in the Upper House of the Legislature, for the purpose of being free to devote the whole of his time to the personal supervision of the working of the lucrative seams recently discovered on his family estate. Orders, that should be accompanied by postal orders or cheque, may be sent direct to His Grace, addressed either to Wagover Castle, or to his town residence in Belgrave Square, S.W. * * * THE BEST SCREENED DUCAL KNOBBLES.--N.B. Customers are respectfully invited to note that the Ducal Arms, Coronet and Family Tree, are properly blazoned on every sack on delivery, as a guarantee that the coal supplied is that now offered at the extremely low figure of 28s. a ton as "Ducal Knobbles," screened under the immediate supervision of His Grace's own eye. * * * THE EARL'S PICKLED PIES.--These delicious breakfast-table delicacies (now the rage everywhere) can be obtained by special arrangement, at any pastrycook's, cheesemonger's, or grocer's in the Three Kingdoms. A Noble Earl having by an agreement with his head-keeper and chief tenants, secured the right of shooting his own ground game, has commenced on his own estate the manufacture, for which he has taken out patent rights, of the above celebrated "rabbit" pies, the demand for which has so increased that for the last six months his house has never contained a shooting-party of less than ten guns at a time, that have all been busily engaged at making a bag for their manufacture, continually, from morning till night. An analyst, writing to the _Stethoscope_, says, "_I have examined a sample of the pie sent me. It appears to be all rabbit. I cannot discover a particle of cat in it anywhere_." * * * THE EXCLUSIVE SOCIETY INTRODUCTION SYNDICATE. With the above appellation, a Company has been organised, under the Direction of an Impecunious Duchess, assisted by a Committee of Upper Class Ladies, whose want of ready money has become urgent, for the purpose of selling, at a fixed sale of prices, to any low-bred _parvenue_ who can afford to pay for it, the _entrée_ to those exclusive and hitherto unapproachable circles to which they, by the accident of their birth and family connections, possess the privilege of offering and securing an introduction. * * *