"_Cheap and Commodious Flat_;" _i.e._, Seven small square rooms, with no outlook, at about the rent of a Hyde Park mansion. "_A Desirable Residence_;" _i.e._, To get out of. PLATFORMULARS. "_And thus bring to a triumphant issue the fight in which we are engaged_;" _i.e._, Thank Heaven, I managed to get off my peroration all right. "_Our great Leader_;" _i.e._, "That's sure to make them cheer, and will give me time to think." * * * * * [Illustration: SOCIAL ECONOMY. _Mrs. Scrooge._ "I'M WRITING TO ASK THE BROWNS TO MEET THE JONESES HERE AT DINNER, AND TO THE JONESES TO MEET THE BROWNS. WE OWE THEM BOTH, YOU KNOW." _Mr. Scrooge._ "BUT I'VE HEARD THEY'VE JUST QUARRELLED, AND DON'T SPEAK!" _Mrs. Scrooge._ "I KNOW. THEY'LL REFUSE, AND WE NEEDN'T GIVE A DINNER PARTY AT ALL!"] * * * * * "MY CURATE." [The _Law Times_ mentions that a photograph of a well-dressed and good-looking gentleman has been sent to it, with the words "My Advocate" beneath. On the back are the name and address of a Solicitor.] SCENE--_Drowsiham Vicarage._ Vicar _and Family discovered seated at breakfast-table. Time--Present._ _The Vicar._ I only advertised for a Curate in last Saturday's _Church Papers_, and already I have received more than sixty applications by the post, all of them, apparently, from persons of the highest respectability, whose views, too, happen to coincide entirely with my own! Dear me! I suppose these may be called the "Clerical Unemployed." _Elder Daughter (giddily)._ Pa! Have any of them sent photos? _Vicar._ Yes, all of them. It seems to be the new method to inclose _cartes-de-visite_ with testimonials. _Younger Daughter._ Now I shall be able to fill up my Album! _Elder Daughter (who has been running her eye over the pictures)._ This is the pick of the lot, Pa. Take him! Such a dear! He's got an eyeglass, and whiskers, and curly hair, and seems quite young! _Younger Daughter (thoughtfully)._ It's a pity we can't lay in _two_ Curates while we are about it. _Vicar._ Hem! A rather nice-looking young man, certainly. Let's see what he says about himself. The new system saves a lot of trouble, as candidates for posts write down their qualifications on the back of their photographs. _Elder Daughter (reading)._ "Views strictly orthodox." Oh, bother views! Here's something better--"Very Musical Voice"--the _darling_! He _looks_ as if he had a musical voice. "Warranted not to go beyond fifteen minutes in preaching." Delicious! _Vicar's Wife._ I don't know if the parishioners will like _that_. _Both Daughters (together)._ But _we_ shall! _Elder Daughter (continues reading)._ "Quite content to preach only in the afternoons. No attempts to rival Vicar's eloquence." What _does_ he mean? _Vicar (cordially)._ I know! I think he'll do very well. _Just_ the sort of man I want!