* * * * * THE SOUTH-EASTERN ALPHABET. A was the Anger evinced far and wide; B was the Boat-train delayed by the tide; C was the Chairman who found nothing wrong; D was the Driver who sang the same song; E was the Engine that stuck on the way; F stood for Folkestone, reached late every day; G was the Grumble to which this gave rise; H was the Hubbub Directors despise; I was the Ink over vain letters used; J were the Junctions which some one abused; K was the Kick "Protest" got for its crimes; L were the Letters it wrote to the _Times_; M was the Meeting that probed the affair; N was the Nothing that came of the scare; O was the Overdue train on its way; P was the Patience that bore the delay; Q was the Question which struck everyone; R the Reply which could satisfy none; S was the Station where passengers wait; T was the Time that they're bound to be late; U was the Up-train an hour overdue; V was the Vagueness its movements pursue; W stood for time's general Waste; X for Ex-press that could never make haste; Y for the Wherefore and Why of this wrong; And Z for the Zanies who stand it so long! * * * * * STARTLING FOR GOURMETS.--"_Bisques_ disallowed." But it only refers to a new rule of the Lawn Tennis Association; so "_Bisque d'écrevisses_" will still be preserved to us among the _embarras de richesse_--(_i.e._ the trouble caused subsequently by the richness,--_free trans._)--of a thoroughgoing French dinner. * * * * * THE NEW TUNE. [Illustration: ] _Le Brav' Général tootles_:-- Heroes bold owe much to bold songs. What's that? "Cannot sing the old songs"? Pooh! 'Tis a Britannic ditty. Truth, though, in it,--more's the pity! "_En revenant de la Revue._" People tire of that--too true! I must give them something new. Played out, Frenchmen? _Pas de danger!_ Whilst you've still your _Brav'_ BOULANGER! Do they think BOULANGER "mizzles," After all his recent "fizzles"? (Most expressive slang, the Yankee!) _Pas si bête_, my friends. No thank ye! Came a cropper? Very true! But I remount--my hobby's new, So's my trumpet. Rooey-too! France go softly? _Pas de danger!_ Whilst she has her _Brav'_ BOULANGER! Cannot say her looks quite flatter. Rather scornful. What's the matter? Have you lost your recent fancy For me and my charger prancy? Turn those eyes this way, now _do_! Mark my hobby,--not a screw! Listen to my _chanson_ new! BISMARCK flout you? _Pas de danger!_ _He's_ afraid of _Brav'_ BOULANGER. Of your smile be not so chary! The sixteenth of February Probably will prove my care is The especial charge of Paris. Then you'll know that I am true. "_En revenant de la Revue_;" Stick to me, I'll stick to you. Part with you, sweet? _Pas de danger!_ Not the game of _Brav'_ BOULANGER!