"CAN'T YOU GET YOUR GROCER TO GIVE 'EM AWAY WITH A POUND OF TEA, OR SOMETHING?"] * * * * * THE OLD, OLD STORY. "It is reported from Gibraltar, that the 110-ton guns of the _Benbow_, have developed defects similar to those recently developed in the _Victoria_."--_Naval Intelligence._ There was a hoodwinked Man Who, in buying his big guns, Very often by the nose was deftly led, led, led. For when he fired them first They did everything but burst, Though guaranteed by Whitehall's Naval head, head, head! So when by foes defied At length in action tried 'Tis found that they won't fire a single shot, shot, shot. Let us hope, at any rate, Though the Nemesis come late, That some party who's to blame will get it hot, hot, hot! * * * * * [Illustration: HOW JEAN FRANCOIS MILLET WOULD HAVE _TREATED_ THE INFLUENZA.] * * * * * VOCES POPULI. AT THE TUDOR EXHIBITION. IN THE CENTRAL HALL. _The usual Jocose 'Arry (who has come here, with_ 'ARRIET, _for no very obvious reason, as they neither of them know or care about any history but their own)_. Well, I s'pose as we _are_ 'ere, we'd better go in a buster for a book o'the words, eh? (_To Commissionnaire._) What are yer doin' them c'rect guides at, ole man? A shillin'? Not _me_! 'Ere, 'ARRIET, we'll make it out for ourselves. _A Young Man (who has dropped in for five minutes--"just to say he's been, don't you know")._ 'Jove--_my Aunt_! Nip out before she spots me ... Stop, though, suppose she _has_ spotted me? Never can tell with gig-lamps ... better not risk it. [_Is "spotted" while hesitating._ _His Aunt._ I didn't recognise you till just this moment, JOHN, my boy. I was just wishing I had someone to read out all the extracts in the Catalogue for me; now we can go round together. [JOHN _affects a dutiful delight at this suggestion, and wonders mentally if he can get away in time to go to afternoon tea with those pretty Chesterton Girls_. _An Uncle (who has taken_ MASTER TOMMY _out for the afternoon)._ This is the way to make your English History _real_ to you, my boy! [TOMMY, _who had cherished hopes of Covent Garden Circus, privately thinks that English History is a sufficiently unpleasant reality as it is, and conceives a bitter prejudice against the entire Tudor Period on the spot_. _The Intelligent Person._ Ha! armour of the period, you see! (_Feels bound to make an intelligent remark._) 'Stonishing how the whole art of war has been transformed since then, eh? Now--to me--(_as if he was conscious of being singular in this respect_)--to _me_, all this is most interesting. Coming as I do, fresh from FROUDE---- _His Companion (a Flippant Person)._ Don't speak so loud. If they know you've come in here fresh, you'll get turned out!