_Tuesday._--"What's this I hear about Heligoland?" says NICHOLAS WOOD. Hardly knew him; so changed. A dull, heavy look faded over his usually mobile countenance; his svelte figure puffed out, and bent. "Only fortnight ago, SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE proposed to give up Heligoland; barter it for a case of German Sausages, says he. FERGUSSON very properly angry; me and other good Tories protested against this new Separatist policy. Couldn't find Heligoland on the map." "Ha!" I say, "but Germany has found it, and taken it, and the MARKISS is willin'." "Very odd," says NICHOLAS; "can't make it out; like a thing out of a play; never go to a play, you know, but understand this sort of thing is somehow done: first you see it, then you don't; Heligoland British territory; to be sacrificed only with last drop of blood; Radical Separatists rapped on knuckles for suggesting handing over; then we wake up, and find it's been handed over, and by the MARKISS! Tell you what it is, TOBY, think I shall cut this business; not brought up to politics; find them a little weakening." [Illustration: The Ladies' Man.] OLD MORALITY announced programme for remainder of Session. In bulk something exceeding ordinary programme when brought in in February. Now it is the so-called June; every prospect of sitting till October; House groans and growls; terrible charges flying round; WINTERBOTHAM darkly accuses Cabinet Minister of keeping a public-house. HICKS-BEACH admits soft impeachment, but pleads it's "only a little one, brings me in only £20 a-year rent." "Miserable!" says NEWNES, who owns _Tit Bits_. General feeling of sympathy with BEACH. WINTERBOTHAM apologises; if he'd known it was only £20 wouldn't have said anything. OLD MORALITY, in his kind way, presses BEACH'S hand; has troubles of his own to bear; but a man who owns a public-house and draws only £20 a-year from it, takes precedence in sympathy. Over stern conflict and cantankerous sitting, PLUNKET sheds beam of genial humour. TIM HEALY asks if there could not be lift arranged to Ladies' Gallery. "Too expensive," says PLUNKET. "Too dear, he means," murmurs HOWORTH, who runs DICK TEMPLE close in his devotion to the Ladies. "Why," objects GEORGE CAMPBELL, whose eye nothing escapes, "there is already a lift for coal. Why not substitute Ladies for coal?" "You see," said PLUNKET, smilingly, "we cannot do either without coal or without Ladies, and it is difficult to combine them in a lift." GEORGE CAMPBELL not sure. When he has time to withdraw his thoughts from Central Asia, will look into the matter. _Business done._--In Committee on Compensation Bill. Ministerial majority reduced to 29. _Thursday._--"I really can't do it," said MACLURE. "Oh, you must," said CHAPLIN; "hard work, I know, but put on a spurt and there you are."