OUR Stable's a bit out of form (Says more than one usual backer), The pace will be made pretty warm, And the finish will be a rare cracker. By Jove! we must put our best goods in the front, Or possibly we may be out of the hunt. TRAINER. Come, Sir, don't go talking like that! Cantankerous critics will chatter. Our 'osses can go a rare "bat," Theirs funk it, Sir! _That's_ what's the matter! Eh, RITCHIE, my boy? Oh, the crack that you ride Will _go_, when he once settles into his stride. JOCKEY. My opinion's of little account, But I don't mind admitting, yer honour, I am _not_ dead nuts on my mount. Some say he's as good as a goner. Though the Witlers are on him, of course, to a man, His own brother warn't placed the one time as he ran. OWNER. The _Brother Bung_ stock, _entre nous_, All show soft, when it comes to close racing. This horse looks a bit of a "screw,"-- There, GOSCHEN, no need for grimacing. I mean no offence; he's well trained, and _might_ win; But--well, backers seem cautious in planking their tin. TRAINER. Humph! Pencillers _have_ been at work; They'll muck the nag's chance, if they're able. Fatty CAINE--the fanatical shirk!-- Seems inclined to abandon the Stable. But still _Compensation's_ a horse to my mind. He will finish with fewer before than behind. OWNER. Ah! but that's not quite good enough, G. Just now what we want's a clear winner. Our new string of cracks numbers three; There's _Tithe_ (who's a timid beginner), _Land Purchase_, a nailer, and this, your pet nag. The question is, which is the best of the bag? _Land Purchase_, now, comes of sound stock (By _Tenant-Right_ out of _Coercion_), And then I've such faith in his Jock! Nay, RITCHIE, I mean no aspersion. You ride very nicely indeed for a "pup;" But BALFOUR! All's right when the cry's "ARTHUR'S Up!" JOCKEY. Oh! he's a fair scorcher, a brick, With the long legs--and luck--of the "Tinman." But when of the mounts you've the pick, It's hard if you can't score a win, man. You stick me on _Land Purchase_, guv'nor, and see If the "pup," as you call him, ain't in the first three! OWNER. Ah, there it is, GOSCHEN, you know; That justifies what I was saying. I fancy this animal's slow, Not sure that his specialty's staying. I think, if we value our Stable--and tin-- That we should declare with _Land Purchase_ to win. [_Left discussing it._ * * * * * DERBY DISAPPOINTMENTS. To go to Epsom with a view to a day's enjoyment. To imagine that there is any sport on the road down, and ditto returning. To believe that a heavy lunch of lukewarm lobster salad and simmering champagne can be taken with impunity. To fancy that one can get into a train bound for the Downs without losing one's temper.