Who said _Semolina_? Passion, passion take advice, fill your pockets fall of _Semolina_. Ha, ha! _Signorina_ ought certainly not to miss the mark by more than a mile. _Memoire_ might do _pour servir_, and _Goldwing_ sounds well for a flyer. Those who cross the _Ponza (sinorum)_ generally go further with ease, and _Dearest_ is certainly superlative. The Field a monkey. Who said that? Whoever he was, let him beware! That is all I have to say in the meantime, but anyone desiring further information is requested to apply to me by letter at the office, enclosing twelve clean stamps for a reply. All who are not in a state of niddy-noddying, anserous, asinine, gruel-brained, pumpkin-faced, gooseberry-eyed imbecility, will, of course, do so. * * * * * [Illustration: PROFESSOR TYNDALL'S LATEST PORTRAIT OF MR. C., _Executed with Scientific Accuracy and Considerable Restraint of Tone. (Guildford, May 28.)_] * * * * * A Shaftesbury Song. (AIR--_"With a Doodah!" as sung years ago, with great applause, by_ Mr. W. E. GL-DST-NE.) OUR Author JONES has come out strong With a _Judah_! With a _Judah_! Original drama, three Acts long, _Judah! Judah!_ pay! It's bound to run each night, And many a _Matinee_. I'll lay my money on the WILLARD nag. Ev'ryone will see the play. * * * * * "EMBARRASSING!" _Or, The Political Scipio and the East African Charmer._ "Though the topic of Africa is said to be 'embarrassing and inconvenient,' it need not occasion any uneasiness at all; but if the British Government surrenders any portion of the territory reserved for the sphere of British influence, it may become most terribly embarrassing within a measurable period of time."--_Stanley's Reply to Lord Salisbury._ STANLEY, _loquitur_:--