Mr. RUNCIMAN, in _The Fortnightly_, brings a serious indictment of plagiarism against Mr. RIDER HAGGARD, which it strikes me he would be unable to sustain in a Court of Common Sense before MR. PRESIDENT PUNCH, unless it were first laid down as a fixed principle, that a writer of fiction must never have recourse to any narrative of facts whereon to base his Romance. THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS. * * * * * [Illustration: MAXIMS FOR THE BAR. No. I. "When Cross-examining a Lady, treat her with Deference."] * * * * * SWEET LAVENDER.--Miss SPRULES, whose "Lavender Farm" in Surrey was recently visited by a ubiquitous _P. M. Gazetter_, appears to be a real scenter of attraction. "Does it pay?" asked the Interviewer. And of course the Lady's answer was, "Scent per scent." * * * * * "JUNKETING" IN LONDON.--Last Saturday a grand Devonian Dinner took place at the Criterion. Of course, only _La Crême de la Crême_ of Devon were present. * * * * * THE "SO-CALLED" NINETEENTH CENTURY FOR THIS MONTH.--"_'Palmer' qui ... ferat._" Has the gallant Corporal any more to Tel-(el-Kebir)? * * * * * FROM "1ST FLAT, COLNEY HATCHWELL."--The song of "_Be Mine_" is a great success. The song "_Be Minor_" ought to be a greater. * * * * * NEW NOVEL, shortly to appear, by a Director of the London and Westminster Bank, entitled, _Allsopps and Conditions of Men_. * * * * * UNGRAMMATICAL BUT QUITE CORRECT.--When a Gentleman asks, at a book-stall, "Have you a number of _Woman_ here?" * * * * * WHAT'S "a bore for coal is fun for us!" Mem. by Shareholder, S. E. Line. * * * * * [Illustration: NIL DESPERANDUM. _Fair Visitor (to Hostess)._ "HOW WONDERFULLY WELL MRS. WILKINSON WEARS! I DO HOPE I SHALL BE AS GOOD-LOOKING AS THAT AT HER AGE!" _Fair Hostess._ "SO DO I!"] * * * * * THANK GOODNESS! "Off?" Thank goodness, yes! Always was--confound it!-- An unsavoury mess, Foulness reeking round it. Resurrection pie Not in it for nastiness. Dished-up--who knows why?-- With unseemly hastiness. Of the _chef's_ poor skill, Feeblest of expedients. Sure we've had our fill Of its stale ingredients. _Toujours perdrix_? Pooh! That is scarce delightful; _Toujours_ Irish Stew Very much more frightful. Thrice-cooked colewort? Ah! That no doubt were tedious; But this hotch-potch? Pah! Thought of it is hideous. It has been too long _Pièce de résistance_; Take its odour strong To unsniffing distance.