Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, CompleteVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
It is true that there be able and eloquent writers greatly experienced
in this noble science, but none have yet been able so to express it as
to bring it (as we hope to have done) within the range of the certain
sciences. Henceforward, we trust it will form a part of the public
education, and not be subject tot he barbarous modes pursued by
illogical though earnest and zealous disciples; and that the great and
glorious Constitution that has done so much to bring it to perfection,
will, in its turn, be sustained and matured by the exercise of what is
really in itself so ancient and beautiful a practice.
VOTING MAY BE CONSIDERED AS 1st. He that hath NOT A VOTE AND VOTETH;
which may be considered, 1st. As to his CLAIM, which is divisible into
He that voteth for dead men. He that voteth for empty tenements. He that
voteth for many men. He that voteth for men in the country, and the
like. 2nd. As to his MOTIVE, which is divisible into Because he hath a
bet that he will vote. Because he loveth a lark. Because he LOVETH HIS
COUNTRY. [Here also may be applied all the predicates under the subjects
BRIBING, HUMBUG, and PRINCIPLE.] 2nd. He that hath A VOTE AND VOTETH
NOT; which is divisible into 1st. He that is PREVENTED from voting,
which is divisible into He who is upset by a bribed coachman. He who is
incited into an assault, that he may be put into the cage. He who is
driven by a drunken coachman many miles the wrong way. He who is
hocussed. He who is sent into the country for a holiday, and the like.
2nd. He that FORFEITETH his vote, which is divisible into He who is too
great a philosopher to care for his country. He who has not been
solicited. He who drinketh so that he cannot go to the poll. He who is
too drunk to speak at the poll. He who through over-zeal getteth his
head broken. He who stayeth to finish the bottle, and is too late, and
the like. 3rd. He that hath A VOTE AND VOTETH; which is divisible into
1st. He that voteth INTENTIONALLY, which is divisible into 1st. He that
voteth CORRUPTLY, which is divisible into 1st. He that is BRIBED, which
is divisible into 1st. He that is bribed DIRECTLY, which is divisible
into 1st. He that receiveth MONEY, which may be considered as He that
pretendeth the money is due to him. He that pretendeth it is lent. He
who receiveth it as alms. He who receiveth it as the price of a
venerated tobacco-pipe, a piece of Irish bacon, and the like. 2nd. He
that seeketh PLACE, which may be considered as He who asketh for a high
situation, as a judgeship in Botany Bay, or a bishopric in Sierra Leone,
and the like. He who asketh for a low situation, as a ticket-porter,
curate, and the like. He who asketh for any situation he can get, as
Secretary to the Admiralty, policeman, revising barrister, turnkey,
chaplain, mail-coach guard, and the like. 3rd. He that taketh DRINK,
which may be considered as He that voteth for Walkers Gooseberry, or
Electors Sparkling Champagne. For sloe-juice, or Electors fine old
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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