Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, CompleteVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
It is a fact on record, that no one of the body ever had a cold in his
head; and this peculiarity, we presume, exempts them from carrying
pocket-handkerchiefs, a superfluity we never witnessed in their hands,
though they indulge in snuff-boxes which assume the miniture form of
French plum-cases, richly embossed, with something round the edges about
as much in proportion to the box as eighteen insides are to a small tax-
cart. This testimonial is generally (as the engraved inscription
purports) given by several gentlemen (who are, unfortunately, in these
instances, always anonymouswhich circumstance, as they are invariably
described as admirers of talent, is much to be regretted, and, we
trust, will soon be rectified). We believe, like the immortal Jack
Falstaff, they were each born at four oclock of the morning, with a
bald head, and something of a round belly; certain it is, they are
universally thin in the hair, and exhibit strong manifestation of
obesity.
The further marks of identity consist in a ring very variously chased,
and the infallible insignia of a tuning-fork: without this no
professional singer does or can exist. The thing has been tried, and
found a failure. Its uses are remarkable and various: like the deaths-
head and cross-bones of the pirates, or the wand, globe, and beard of
the conjuror, it is their sure and unvarying sign. We have in our minds
eye one of the species even nowwe see him coquetting with the fork,
compressing it with gentle fondness, and then (that all senses may be
called into requisition) resting it against his eye-tooth to catch the
proper tone. Should this be the prelude to his own professional
performance, we see it returned, with a look of profound wisdom, to the
right-hand depository of the nondescript and imaginary velvet double-
breasterwe follow his eyes, till, with peculiar fascination, they fix
upon the far-off cornice of the most distant corner of the smoke-embued
apartmentwe perceive the extension of the dexter hand employed in
innocent dalliance with the well-sucked peel of a quarter of an orange,
whilst the left is employed with the links of what would be a watch-
guard, if the professional singer had a watch. We hear the three
distinct hemsoblivion for a moment seizes usthe glasses jingletwo
auctioneers hammers astonish the mahoganyseveral dirty hands are
brought in violent and noisy contactwe are near a friend of the
vocalistour glass of gin-and-water (literally warm without) empties
itself over our lower extremities, instigated thereto by the gymnastic
performances of the said zealous friendand with an exclamation that,
were Mawworn present, would cost us a shilling, we find the professional
singer has concluded, and is half stooping to the applause, and half
lifting his diligently-stirred grog, gulping down the creature comfort
with infinite satisfaction.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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