A man bearing the very inapplicable name of _Virtue_ was brought up at Lambeth-street last week, on the charge of having stolen a telescope from the Ordnance-office in the Tower on the morning of the fire. The prisoner pleaded that, being short-sighted, he took the glass to have a sight of the fire. The magistrate, however, _saw through_ this excuse very clearly; and as it was apparent that _Virtue_ had taken a _glass_ too much on the occasion, he was fully committed. * * * * * JOE HUME'S FORTHCOMING WORK. We have received the following note from an old and esteemed correspondent, who, we are rejoiced to find, has returned from a tour in Switzerland, where he has been engaged in a prodigious work connected with the statistics of that country. _Reform Club-house_. DEAR PUNCH, Knowing the interest you take in anything relating to the advancement of science, I beg to apprise you that I am about publishing a statistical work, in which I have made it perfectly clear that an immense saving in the article of ice alone might be made in England by importing that which lies waste upon Mont Blanc. I have also calculated to a fraction the number of pints of milk produced in the canton of Berne, distinguishing the quantity used in the making of cheese from that which has been consumed in the manufacture of butter--and specifying in every instance whether the milk has been yielded by cows or goats. There will be also a valuable appendix to the work, containing a correct list of all the inns on the road between Frankfort and Geneva, with a copy of the bill of fare at each, and the prices charged; together with the colour of the postilion's jacket, the age of the landlord and the weight of his wife, and the height in inches of the cook and chambermaid. To which will be added, "Ten Minutes' Advice" upon making one shilling go as far as two. If you can give me a three-halfpenny puff in your admired publication, you will confer a favour on Your sincere friend, JOE HUME. * * * * * THE ROMANCE OF A TEACUP. SIP THE FIRST. In England one man's mated to one woman, To spend their days in holy matrimony-- In fact, I _have_ heard from one or two men, That one wife in a house is one too many-- But, be this as it may, in China no man Who can afford it shuts himself to any Fix'd number, but is variously encumber'd With better halves, from twenty to a hundred. These to provide for in a pleasant way, And, maybe, to avoid their chat and worry, He shuts up in a harem night and day-- With them contriving all his cares to bury-- A point of policy which, I should say, Sweetens the dose to men about to marry; For, though a wife's a charming thing enough, Yet, like all other blessings, _quantum suff_.